My Worst Valentine’s Day Ever (AKA A Sign From God Himself telling me this Relationship was a bad idea)

I’m going back to the time when I was in high school. I was in a relationship that should never have been. My parents didn’t like him (for good reason), my best friend was always concerned for me, and he was emotionally abusive (calling me names: fat, saying that had love handles, that I was gaining weight, that I was smart, but not that smart, saying that he loved me and only I understood him, getting upset when I was around other guys, etc.) and somewhat sexually abusive to me and pressuring me to do some things I didn’t want to, making me feel guilty or a bad girlfriend.

Don’t worry, there’s nothing triggering or super scary in this story (thankfully). I’m just setting it up, so you can understand why this was the worst valentine’s day ever for me.

The day before we had another huge argument/fight at school after school. I don’t even know what about anymore, I think it may have been over another girl or something. Or how he thought she was hot and that I don’t fit the definition of “hot.” I felt hurt/ offended by what he said (rightly so). We made up though and he said he was looking forward to spending Valentine’s Day with me and would get me something special.

A couple things to keep in mind throughout this whole post:

• this was my first time in a relationship for Valentine’s Day
• he had a job and I didn’t
• he didn’t really have any expenses
• I have been dating this guy for about 5 months, although I have known him longer, who manipulates me emotionally, abuses me emotionally and sexually.

Even after this fight I had bought for him a card and a chocolate reese’s heart, yes I still remember to this day and I will tell you why later. You are probably thinking this in regards to me getting him something and still staying with him after he said I wasn’t hot and all the other bad shit he has said about me to my face.

And you are right, it was messed up. My head wasn’t in the right place. I know that.

Now, this all occurred February 13.

Next Day Valentine’s Day Around 3-4 in the morning.

Be warned, the story gets gross from here on out. You have been warned.

I wake up feeling really sick to my stomach. I first though, maybe I am getting my period. I still deal with painful cramps to this day. So I go check, I was expecting my period, but nothing. I stayed in the bathroom a long while, waiting, and there was nothing. This was unusual for me.

Unsure and concerned I wake up my mom, who leads me into her bathroom and is there to keep me company and comfort; while trying to figure out what was going on. Now not only is my stomach in a huge amount of pain, I am getting that nauseous feeling. It is starting around 5:00am now.

This is when I start throwing up like crazy (don’t worry it wasn’t all over the place).

My mom held my hair and massaged my back while I felt like I was heaving my guys out. Now you have to understand I hadn’t thrown up like this since I was 5 (when I had the chicken pox). My mother at first thought maybe I was having a violent reaction to my coming period, but than she checked both my forehead and ears. I had a high fever.

For those wondering, what does checking the ears have to do with checking for a fever? This is the simplified version that my father, former navy corpsman (aka he dealt with medical stuff) taught me: the outer ear is cartilage with some veins. It will usually be at a different temperature from your forehead and neck and it won’t be as hot as them. If it is warmer than normal and closing to burning up, you probably have a fever.

I have done this technique on roommates and friends in the past when thermometers weren’t around and it always worked. When they were able to get a hold of one and checked, it confirmed my suspicions that they had a fever.  Still important to get one though, to confirm how high the temperature is. This is just used to detect to see if one is there, starting. My own doctor did this over the years.

Back to the me being ill. I had a fever, food poisoning was ruled out since no one in the house was dealing with symptoms. Since I was also feeling achy, sore, and in pain. After an hour or two (it gets fuzzy at this point for me) of  constantly throwing up and being ill, my father concluded that I may be dealing with a virus. I had the Stomach Flu.

He gives me pepto (we didn’t have the chewables, just the liquid) and he encouraged me to try to rest and lay on my side. That was all we could do was ride it out. Either way I wasn’t going to go to school, see my friends, or my boyfriend. I wasn’t able to tell them since my parents wouldn’t allow me to have a cellphone (don’t ask, that’s a story in itself). At that point though even though I had one, that was the last thing on my mind, I felt like I was dying.

I am still going back and forth from my room to the bathroom and both of my parents left for work. My grandmom is home with me, but she isn’t allowed to be around me because of health issues. The time is around 8am.

About 30 minutes after I took the pepto, I leave my room crawling on all fours because I feel so weak and empty it out into the toilet. At this point I couldn’t keep down anything. After who knows how long I empty my guts into the toilet and clean myself up. I crawl back into my room and bed.

You are probably wondering, why not just stay in the bathroom at this point?

I tried laying on the floor, it was very uncomfortable and I didn’t want to accidentally fall asleep and throw up on the floor in the process. It may be better for cleaning, but I rather not choke on my own vomit thanks. I always sleep on my side in bed, and there was a trash can right next to me as I face outwards. My dad agreed with this idea earlier.

The whole time I’m dealing with this all I can think is

This me going back and forth to the bathroom continues, but it gets worse, because at this point I am throwing up stomach acid. I can’t keep anything down. To make matters even more difficult it is becoming harder and harder for me to crawl. I was becoming weaker from all the moving and throwing up. Around 9 I told grandma to call dad, I needed help. Which honestly, I’m glad I did because soon after I couldn’t crawl anymore.

I had to roll out of bed get onto the floor, I would lay flat on my stomach using my feet to push my body forward and my hands to pull me forward, grabbing at the fibers in the carpet praying to pass out. After doing this a couple of times, I finally stopped moving and just laid on the carpet outside of the bathroom, I couldn’t make it. I didn’t have any more energy.

At this point the timelines gets more fuzzy, I’m going off what I remember my dad saying. Around 10:15/30 he comes home. He helps me get up and I don’t remember getting into clean clothes and shoes for the ER, but I think my grandma said she helped me.

At this point I don’t remember the drive from the house to the ER. When I get there I do know I was checked out and they said I had a severe case of the stomach flu and the fact that I have had it so long, it was good that I came in.  They checked my weight and compared it old hospital files, I had lost about 5 pounds, they said it was most likely because I had been throwing up so much.

They put me in room, put me on medicine to take away the nausea, gave me fluids through an IV and something else I can’t remember. I know sometime while I was in this hospital room I ask my dad or my mom to let my best friend know about what was going on.

Well by late afternoon I am able to go home with medicine and was told I needed rest and to not eat anything heavy.

I get home and I don’t remember if my best friend or my than boyfriend comes over that day or the next day.  Either way one of them brings me a valentines day card from my boyfriend. I was still on drugs and exhausted from Valentine’s day in general, so my memory isn’t that great of the timeline.

Now I know my best friend had told him I wasn’t feeling well and what happened.

So I open the card, and all I saw was generic words that come with any typical card and a Love (his name). Nothing mentioning that he feels bad that I have been sick. Nothing personal or heartfelt. He just picked up a card and wrote his name in it. And that was it. No effort, no creativity, no thought put into any of it.

I had the day before valentines day picked up a card, wrote a long heart felt message in it and bought chocolate heart reese’s since that was his favorite type of candy. And all he got me was a card and he didn’t even put any effort to write in it. Even though he promised it would be a good Valentine’s Day and that he had something special for me. But all he got me was a card and he didn’t even make the effort to right in it?!!?

I was so pissed at him, but you know what I said nothing. That probably surprises you and you might say you wouldn’t have tolerated how he was treating me now and in the past. That’s what it is like being in an emotionally abusive relationship, you are like in the eye of the storm, you don’t fully see the danger and chaos going on around you. And when you do see it, you don’t want to leave the eye to get beyond it, for it is very scary thought isn’t it.

You know I wasn’t expecting chocolates, jewelry, roses, the works. I just wanted him to put some thought into it. If he got me flowers, it didn’t have to be roses, it could have been daisies. He could have bought a balloon for me since I was sick if he had been concerned about how smells would bother me (sorry but for how he was, he wasn’t concerned about me, unless it affected him). He could have just written a nice note. He could have gave me something homemade.

No, he bought a generic card and just wrote his name in it. 

After being sick all day, after him not making that much of an effort to see me while I was sick, and it being a terrible Valentine’s day and that’s what I get at the end of it; even though I had saved and scrounged what little money I had and I knew he had a job and didn’t have big expenses. I was pissed. He didn’t even apologize for it being so little even though he promised more (the thing is, breaking of promises and the lack of effort bothered me more than anything). If he wasn’t able to do anything or get anything, he could have told me and I would have understood. It’s just when people create expectations and at the last minute change their minds or don’t say things have changed, that pisses me off.

Although it would take me another 5-6 months before I would break up with him, I think this was when the seeds of “maybe this relationship is a bad idea” began to sow within me.  I don’t remember if I gave him the card or not. I would like to think I didn’t and that I would have torn it up. I do know I never gave him the reese’s chocolate heart. For you see, once I got better, I ate the whole thing myself.

That was my worst Valentine’s day ever. Where I got a stomach virus, threw up stomach acid and got a shitty card with only his name written inside. The day I got a sign from God saying this relationship was a bad idea and to this day I wish I had listened sooner.

What was your worst Valentine’s day ever?

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