Category Archives: Personal

What I am Doing For Lent (2016)

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent.

With battling Lyme Disease I had already given up quite a bit:

  • Fast food- it doesn’t agree with me anymore, I rarely eat it, and when I do my body doesn’t like it
  • Alcohol- I rarely drink it because of all the medicine I am on
  • Sweets- I still eat these, but no where near as much as I used to
  • Junk food- same thing as sweets

Even my priest and family said I should only focus on getting better for lent. My priest has been very helpful and supportive while I am dealing with all the affects of lyme disease.

Well I still feel the need to do something for lent, so I decided to do something I don’t do very often anymore. Pray.
I can’t really tell you when I last prayed on a daily basis. I still believe in God. I believe he exists. It’s not just because of faith either. I have felt him in others. It’s hard to explain.

Anyway back to why I chose to pray more.

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My Worst Valentine’s Day Ever (AKA A Sign From God Himself telling me this Relationship was a bad idea)

I’m going back to the time when I was in high school. I was in a relationship that should never have been. My parents didn’t like him (for good reason), my best friend was always concerned for me, and he was emotionally abusive (calling me names: fat, saying that had love handles, that I was gaining weight, that I was smart, but not that smart, saying that he loved me and only I understood him, getting upset when I was around other guys, etc.) and somewhat sexually abusive to me and pressuring me to do some things I didn’t want to, making me feel guilty or a bad girlfriend.

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Don’t worry, there’s nothing triggering or super scary in this story (thankfully). I’m just setting it up, so you can understand why this was the worst valentine’s day ever for me.

The day before we had another huge argument/fight at school after school. I don’t even know what about anymore, I think it may have been over another girl or something. Or how he thought she was hot and that I don’t fit the definition of “hot.” I felt hurt/ offended by what he said (rightly so). We made up though and he said he was looking forward to spending Valentine’s Day with me and would get me something special.

A couple things to keep in mind throughout this whole post:

  • this was my first time in a relationship for Valentine’s Day
  • he had a job and I didn’t
  • he didn’t really have any expenses
  • I have been dating this guy for about 5 months, although I have known him longer, who manipulates me emotionally, abuses me emotionally and sexually.

Even after this fight I had bought for him a card and a chocolate reese’s heart, yes I still remember to this day and I will tell you why later. You are probably thinking this in regards to me getting him something and still staying with him after he said I wasn’t hot and all the other bad shit he has said about me to my face.

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And you are right, it was messed up. My head wasn’t in the right place. I know that.

Now, this all occurred February 13.

Next Day Valentine’s Day Around 3-4 in the morning.

Be warned, the story gets gross from here on out. You have been warned.

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The Hell That is Lyme Disease

It has been quite a while since I have posted on this blog and not because I haven’t had the desire to. Back in February, I began to notice I was beginning to struggle with reading and writing. Before this, I was already experiencing constant exhaustion, to the point that if I wasn’t doing homework, I was usually sleeping. It started out in Spring 2014, when I started taking more naps than usual, but I attributed that to the stress of college life and being an older-than-traditional college student. I had a memory loss issue where I couldn’t remember who I was or where I was; that was fun. At my job I was having trouble focusing on the work, despite it being extremely simplistic (just putting labels on books); I kept switching up book labels and many times I forgot if I labeled the book at all. I tried to get better.

In the fall of 2015 a lot of stuff happened. Boyfriend lost his job, another relative came to live with us (very, very stressful since she is in her 90s), plumbing issues in the house from the toilet to the kitchen, a car accident happened, grandma went to the hospital (but she seems to always be going there), I lost my job in October because I kept making mistakes by switching up the labels. There is more, but I honestly can’t remember the details. I kept working hard in school, but I was tired a lot and was constantly taking naps. I honestly thought this was because I was dealing with a lot of stress and was feeling pretty depressed.

Finally in the Spring of 2015, my boyfriend was becoming very concerned that I was sleeping a lot. My parents thought I was maybe depressed, but to be honest, even I suspected something was up once my boyfriend mentioned his concern. At this point I was just doing homework and sleeping. I had a really hard time doing anything else. Around this time, I sadly lost someone who I had considered a really good friend. I had brought up some concerns I had and that individual became very angry and lashed out at me. I was extremely hurt emotionally and between being tired all the time, having a hard time reading and writing, and just generally living, I didn’t get back in touch, but my boyfriend did for me. Once I had the energy, that individual was pissed that I didn’t get back in touch right away  and said our friendship was over because I didn’t care. That whole story is complicated, but even now I look back at that time with sadness, no regrets, just sadness. I digress though….  It was actually watching the RHOBH reunion episode with Yolanda Foster when I began to suspect that I had lyme disease. She stated that she had trouble reading and writing. I really connected to that, but not wanting to be like the billions of people that self-diagnose using the powers of the internet, I made an appointment to go see the Doctor and I had my father with me, at this point I didn’t trust my memory at all. I told my father before we went about my difficulty reading and writing, and how I was frustrated at how I’d been continually sick for the past 5-6 years. He was very helpful during the appointment.

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50 Classic Stories to Read (Instead of 50 Shades of Grey)

These books are stimulating and there is usually more than just romance in the story. There is this crazy thing called plot and it just happens to be well written too! In fact you might learn something. Some have happy endings, while others are tragic. Either way, you don’t need badly written erotica to learn more about yourself.

A List of Classic Stories that I would read over 50 Shades of Grey any day:

  1. Pride and Prejudice
  2. Persuasion
  3. Northanger Abbey
  4. Emma
  5. Mansfield Park
  6. Sense and Sensibility
  7. Wuthering Heights
  8. Jane Eyre
  9. Romeo and Juliet
  10. Much Ado About Nothing
  11. The Great Gatsby
  12. Les Miserables
  13. Gone with the Wind
  14. Anna Karina
  15. Their Eyes were Watching God
  16. Madam Bovary
  17. Casablanca (it was a play before a movie)
  18. Dangerous Liaisons
  19. Oliver Twist
  20. Fathers and Sons
  21. The Color Purple
  22. Vanity Fair
  23. I, Robot
  24. Growing up Rich
  25. Foundations Trilogy
  26. Lord of the Rings Trilogy
  27. The Hobbit
  28. Of Mice and Men
  29. Tender is the Night
  30. Slaughterhouse-Five
  31. The Man in the Iron Mask
  32. Atlas Shrugged
  33. Heart of Darkness
  34. The Sun Also Rises
  35. Moby Dick
  36. The Count of Monte Cristo
  37. Cat’s Cradle
  38. The Picture of Dorian Gray
  39. The Rum Diary
  40. The Pillars of the Earth
  41. Ender’s Game
  42. Persepolis
  43. Maus
  44. I Know Why The Caged Birds Sing
  45. The Three Musketeers
  46. A Lesson Before Dying
  47. The Scarlet Letter
  48. Little Women
  49. Dracula
  50. The Bell Jar

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Blogging in 2014- A Review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 100,000 times in 2014. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 4 days for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

My 5 Favorite Holiday Songs

I love this time of year. Although it has been a little more challenging this year to get into the holiday spirit because of everything that has gone on the past 4-5 months. Still here are my favorite 5 songs that get me into the Christmas Spirit.

1.) Hey Santa By Carnie and Wendy Wilson

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Strangely this was one of the first Christmas songs I fell in love with. This song is sung by Carnie and Wendy Wilson. When I was younger I even choreographed a dance to go along with it. I still remember part of that dance too and it’s been over 1102

2.) Anything Mannheim Steamroller

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Photo Credit

For as long as I can remember I grew up listening to Mannheim Steamroller around Christmas time and honestly it doesn’t feel like Christmas unless I’m listening to it. I even had a chance to go to a concert they had while I was in Chattanooga.

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I’m Back, Let’s Party.

Seems like I have been gone forever, huh? Well guess what: grab a glass of wine, a party hat, and get ready for a story.

If you read this post you will know I have been dealing with a lot, including the death of our family dog, who we had for 15 years.

Where have I been? Dealing with a lot of stuff: being sick, family dealing with medical issues, and things breaking down around the house. Sine my family is more private than I when it comes to this kind of thing, we are going to stick with talking about me.

At the beginning of November the pain in my back returned, not as strong as it was the last time. Went to the ER and while there was told that my kidney infection had most likely returned. Well it turns out it wasn’t a kidney infection, although at this time I am unsure what the cause is.

My trip to the ER alone was not fun. Once I was in and went through the whole ‘when was your last period? Are you pregnant?’ questions, I was than wheeled into the ER. The nurse who was in charge of the IV did a horrible job sticking the needle into me, there was just enough of a hole for blood to pool around. Having been in hospitals enough times and having been around them thanks to my dad, I knew that she wasn’t doing the best job.

After having to give blood, which I have never had a problem with until that night, she gave me drugs for the pain through the IV. They were pretty nice drugs, but at first it felt awful. Those who live with chronic anxiety can understand this; I felt this rush throughout my body as though I was experiencing an instant panic attack. I hadn’t felt one this strong in a long time, I felt like I was going to hyperventilate and pass out. This was a result of the instant adrenaline rush that was sent throughout my body. Following that, I felt very out of it, as though my head was fuzzy and lifting off the pillow. Only closing my eyes helped alleviate the sensation.

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