Category Archives: Health

My Worst Valentine’s Day Ever (AKA A Sign From God Himself telling me this Relationship was a bad idea)

I’m going back to the time when I was in high school. I was in a relationship that should never have been. My parents didn’t like him (for good reason), my best friend was always concerned for me, and he was emotionally abusive (calling me names: fat, saying that had love handles, that I was gaining weight, that I was smart, but not that smart, saying that he loved me and only I understood him, getting upset when I was around other guys, etc.) and somewhat sexually abusive to me and pressuring me to do some things I didn’t want to, making me feel guilty or a bad girlfriend.


Don’t worry, there’s nothing triggering or super scary in this story (thankfully). I’m just setting it up, so you can understand why this was the worst valentine’s day ever for me.

The day before we had another huge argument/fight at school after school. I don’t even know what about anymore, I think it may have been over another girl or something. Or how he thought she was hot and that I don’t fit the definition of “hot.” I felt hurt/ offended by what he said (rightly so). We made up though and he said he was looking forward to spending Valentine’s Day with me and would get me something special.

A couple things to keep in mind throughout this whole post:

  • this was my first time in a relationship for Valentine’s Day
  • he had a job and I didn’t
  • he didn’t really have any expenses
  • I have been dating this guy for about 5 months, although I have known him longer, who manipulates me emotionally, abuses me emotionally and sexually.

Even after this fight I had bought for him a card and a chocolate reese’s heart, yes I still remember to this day and I will tell you why later. You are probably thinking this in regards to me getting him something and still staying with him after he said I wasn’t hot and all the other bad shit he has said about me to my face.

messed up.jpg

And you are right, it was messed up. My head wasn’t in the right place. I know that.

Now, this all occurred February 13.

Next Day Valentine’s Day Around 3-4 in the morning.

Be warned, the story gets gross from here on out. You have been warned.

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The Hell That is Lyme Disease

It has been quite a while since I have posted on this blog and not because I haven’t had the desire to. Back in February, I began to notice I was beginning to struggle with reading and writing. Before this, I was already experiencing constant exhaustion, to the point that if I wasn’t doing homework, I was usually sleeping. It started out in Spring 2014, when I started taking more naps than usual, but I attributed that to the stress of college life and being an older-than-traditional college student. I had a memory loss issue where I couldn’t remember who I was or where I was; that was fun. At my job I was having trouble focusing on the work, despite it being extremely simplistic (just putting labels on books); I kept switching up book labels and many times I forgot if I labeled the book at all. I tried to get better.

In the fall of 2015 a lot of stuff happened. Boyfriend lost his job, another relative came to live with us (very, very stressful since she is in her 90s), plumbing issues in the house from the toilet to the kitchen, a car accident happened, grandma went to the hospital (but she seems to always be going there), I lost my job in October because I kept making mistakes by switching up the labels. There is more, but I honestly can’t remember the details. I kept working hard in school, but I was tired a lot and was constantly taking naps. I honestly thought this was because I was dealing with a lot of stress and was feeling pretty depressed.

Finally in the Spring of 2015, my boyfriend was becoming very concerned that I was sleeping a lot. My parents thought I was maybe depressed, but to be honest, even I suspected something was up once my boyfriend mentioned his concern. At this point I was just doing homework and sleeping. I had a really hard time doing anything else. Around this time, I sadly lost someone who I had considered a really good friend. I had brought up some concerns I had and that individual became very angry and lashed out at me. I was extremely hurt emotionally and between being tired all the time, having a hard time reading and writing, and just generally living, I didn’t get back in touch, but my boyfriend did for me. Once I had the energy, that individual was pissed that I didn’t get back in touch right away  and said our friendship was over because I didn’t care. That whole story is complicated, but even now I look back at that time with sadness, no regrets, just sadness. I digress though….  It was actually watching the RHOBH reunion episode with Yolanda Foster when I began to suspect that I had lyme disease. She stated that she had trouble reading and writing. I really connected to that, but not wanting to be like the billions of people that self-diagnose using the powers of the internet, I made an appointment to go see the Doctor and I had my father with me, at this point I didn’t trust my memory at all. I told my father before we went about my difficulty reading and writing, and how I was frustrated at how I’d been continually sick for the past 5-6 years. He was very helpful during the appointment.

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I’m Back, Let’s Party.

Seems like I have been gone forever, huh? Well guess what: grab a glass of wine, a party hat, and get ready for a story.

If you read this post you will know I have been dealing with a lot, including the death of our family dog, who we had for 15 years.

Where have I been? Dealing with a lot of stuff: being sick, family dealing with medical issues, and things breaking down around the house. Sine my family is more private than I when it comes to this kind of thing, we are going to stick with talking about me.

At the beginning of November the pain in my back returned, not as strong as it was the last time. Went to the ER and while there was told that my kidney infection had most likely returned. Well it turns out it wasn’t a kidney infection, although at this time I am unsure what the cause is.

My trip to the ER alone was not fun. Once I was in and went through the whole ‘when was your last period? Are you pregnant?’ questions, I was than wheeled into the ER. The nurse who was in charge of the IV did a horrible job sticking the needle into me, there was just enough of a hole for blood to pool around. Having been in hospitals enough times and having been around them thanks to my dad, I knew that she wasn’t doing the best job.

After having to give blood, which I have never had a problem with until that night, she gave me drugs for the pain through the IV. They were pretty nice drugs, but at first it felt awful. Those who live with chronic anxiety can understand this; I felt this rush throughout my body as though I was experiencing an instant panic attack. I hadn’t felt one this strong in a long time, I felt like I was going to hyperventilate and pass out. This was a result of the instant adrenaline rush that was sent throughout my body. Following that, I felt very out of it, as though my head was fuzzy and lifting off the pillow. Only closing my eyes helped alleviate the sensation.

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I Don’t Need to Be Perfect

being perfect


This past year I have been working really hard on improving myself. Between going on medication, going to therapy, and constantly challenging myself I realized that no matter how hard I work, no matter what I do I won’t be perfect.

On top of being most likely OCD & ADD I know that I have a problem with being a perfectionist. I can’t tell you how I feel every time I look at my blog. Every time I look at it there are so many things I see wrong with it and it drives me nuts to say the least.

Whether it came to my grades, my room, or just trying to being an adult I would constantly criticize myself and try to see how I can be better.

It was difficult at times and still can be. Before I went on medication I used to wish on a daily basis that things would just go perfectly. I would get upset with myself and berate myself if things didn’t turn out the way I wish I had planned.

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What Everyone Should have in their Medicine Cabinet.

For the past 4 years I have been sick more than I have ever in the 23, almost 24 years I have been alive. In one year alone I caught the cold at least 8 times, the flu  3 to 4.

Walgreen’s was my friend that year. I have a medicine cabinet that is so ready for anything. Call me Dr. Vanek. That is what my roommate calls me anyway. Heck, I  helped her and my hall-mate when they were both sick, since I knew exactly what they were going through, having gone through it myself.

This is not a detailed list, these are the everyday basics that I believe everyone should have on hand. Don’t forget, you can always get the store brand of any of these products, usually they work just the same and they are cheaper. (usually)

Medicine you should always have in your medicine box*:

  • Contac: great for cold and flu there is a variety. There is the day/night version. Which I usually use. However for those cases that are really bad where u r left in bed for days, they have extra strength as well.
    contac max contac
  • Vitamin C: even though it isn’t medicine vitamin c generally helps fight off bugs and helps your immune system, in fact if u have health issues I recommend you taking it. If u r starting to notice your throat is a little sore or has a scratchy feeling; vitamin c to the rescue. There are also Vitamin C Drops you can take as well, but don’t treat them like candy! There is a limit to how many you can have a day.
    vitamin c drops Nature Made Vitamin C Capsules Rose Hips Time Release Walmart Target GNC discount generic immune system common cold antioxidants scurvy
  • Allergy Medicine: For me I keep Zyrtec. This is actually one of the few medications that I have noticed where the store brand is not as effective as the regular brand.
  • Mucinex: Really great if you keep coughing and nothing is coming up. I used this for about 2 years on and off after I dealt with bronchitis. It was very helpful. Yes, you will cough more at times (unless you get the cough suppressant version). It all depends on which one you get and how bad your congestion is. They also have a version for the nose, I rarely use this one. In fact I usually just use vicks vapor rub to help me clear my nose.
    mucinex max mucinex
  • Robitussin: yes cough syrup. I know it tastes gross and nasty, but if you have constant coughing and using cough drops is only doing so much, you will probably want to use some.
    Robitussin DM syr3fe7f0dc-c549-4684-839f-a04500f8d7bb
  • Cough Drops: Sugar free is better, yes it is nastier however if u r wanting to be healthy why would u want something so sugary. If you. Don’t mind having cough drops with sugar the ones shown are the cough drops I prefer.
    pDGC1-12183082v380 RIC-07917-1
  • Pepto-Bismol chewable tablets: I can’t stand the liquid, when I’m feeling nauseous that thought of having to drink the stud makes me sick. So I use the tablets instead.
  • Vick’s Vapor Rub: for when u nose is stuffed and you are having trouble breathing. This can also be helpful if u are coughing a lot at night and you throat is really aggravated. Rub under your nose and chest area. Sounds weird but it works.
  • Band aids: there are many kinds of band aids. It is best to get a hug pack that has multiple sizes. Just simple logic there.
  • Neosporin: for cuts of course. You can also use Vitamin E caplets that you just poke a hole into, but Neosporin is more effective when it comes to scar reduction.
  • Thermometer: you will be amazed about how many people don’t think to have a thermometer. Strangely it is one of things that are usually forgotten when it comes to their medicine cabinet.
  • Tylenol: while one shouldn’t overuse Tylenol for it can lead to liver damage, it is better to use sparingly. I only use it when I have my period or if I have a severe migraine.
  • Ibuprofen: if you are concerned about your liver, than this would be better to take for pain. However instead of affecting your liver, it will affect your kidneys . It is also a good fever reducer, I usually though let nature take its course and change out cold compresses and cold washcloths. It takes longer, but it allows your body to build immunity and not have to deal with the side effects of medication.

        In general when it comes to pain medication, try to use sparingly. m You don’t want to effect your body.

  • Aleve: this is good if you have joint pain often. I usually have knee pain due to tendonitis, although it is rare when I use it. I usually use it when the weather drastically changes, that is when I usually feel the pain.
  • Bengay: you may never have heard of this, most of the people I know haven’t. It is like Icey Hot, although I don’t like Icey Hot, I have had a bad reaction and it actually hurt my skin so much my skin was burning. It felt like my neck was on fire and I was crying from the pain, we had to wash the Icey Hot off (my boyfriend and I) and we had to keep cooling off the area with freezing cold water. It hurt that much. After that experience I stick with Bengay. It is a cream and it smells like peppermint. It is a little messy and you should wash your hands right away after using it. For you will probably want to rub your eyes just because of the fumes and you don’t want to get this stuff in your eyes. Trust me, it burns and it is no fun.


What is in your medicine cabinet? Did I leave something out that I should have? Let me know in the comments below?

*I am not a licensed Doctor, physician, or pharmacist. This is just a recommendation. Before you use any medicine, if you have ongoing pain, nauseous, lung, or any health issues. You should consult you doctor. I am no expert. I am merely a young woman who has often been sick and trying to be helpful.



Why I Don’t Get Flu Vaccinations?

no flu shot

I recently went to the doctors where once again I was recommended to get a flu shot. And once again I said no. Every year I am asked if I want one. Ever year I say no and I am strongly recommended to get the flu vaccine. I still say no.

I am not against vaccinations in general. They help prevent disease like polio, smallpox,etc. from infecting individuals. However when it comes to the flu, it really is impossible to protect oneself from it completely. After all there are numerous strains that cause the flu virus and those strains tend to evolve.

Also you may be protected from a certain number of strains of the virus, but what if soon after you are exposed to another strain of the flu virus. While your body is building up antibodies to the “dead” virus another virus with a different strain that is active could come along in the meantime causing you to be ill. The flu vaccine itself doesn’t make you sick, but being exposed to another strain that was not included in the shot soon after can cause one to become sick.

No thanks. Personally I don’t want to take a chance.

Also my parents and I had practiced this same concept and idea when it comes to taking antibiotics. Yes, I know they are different however my parents and I for years did not believe in going to the doctor every time I got a cold. Well know we have superbugs! They  resulted from everyone overusing antibiotics, whether it is doctors giving them like candy on Halloween or they are being feed to animals which go into our food which go into our bodies.

While people may think that I am completely against vaccinations (which I’m not) and think that my parents are backward in their thinking (my father and two uncles work in the medical field), that isn’t the case. Bacteria adapts and viruses evolve.

I rather my body fight it on its own terms, no constantly be put at risk every time I get the flu vaccine.


My Confession: I’m Still Angry I’m not in the Best Health Like I Used to Be

photoFor as long as I could remember I hardly got sick. The most I dealt with at times was my allergies and colds. The first time I ever got a virus was my junior year in high school and I had never had the flu shot.

Than I went off to college. My first year I did fine, but my second year at UTC, well I was exposed to Black Mold for 4-5 months and I didn’t even know it. I don’t want to go into it right now, that is not the topic of this post. With being exposed to black mold I contracted bronchitis and tonsillitis (at the same time), got the flu several times throughout the whole school year, my immune system was weakened in general, I had vertigo issues, and my metabolism plummeted.

It doesn’t help that a year later once I moved back home I had a fall down the stairs. I lost my balance and as a result I injured both of my knees, resulting in tendinitis. My knees hurt to this day, therapy helped and I do the exercises and stretches, but life happens.

I haven’t been the same since.

Even though it has been over 4 years since I got sick and over 3 years since my fall, I am not where I would like to be. It is so frustrating because I didn’t have to worry about this before. I was in really good health before and now I have to constantly make sure I don’t get sick. My roommate has been sick and I have been helping her by giving her vitamins and medicine, I have also been worried the whole time will I get sick.

I am surprised I haven’t already.

I’m not even including my mental health in this, for that is a whole other story in itself.

I just wish that I was in better shape and in better health. I do exercise occasionally its just hard between work, classes, homework, and trying to keep up with this blog.

I guess I am just frustrated with myself and my body because I really wish it would go back to the way it was. I do take vitamins, I do some stretches and exercises. I eat a more healthy diet than I used to, I try to sleep more (with being a college student its hard), and I go to the doctors more often.

Only time will help and make it better. Still, it’s not fun while I am waiting.