Category Archives: The Body

My Thoughts To Roosh V’s “36 Things Wrong with American Women”

 

So I decided to watch this, because it’s important to research the person you want to criticize instead of just blindly following the crowd. Be warned, I will use curses in this post. Also if you are a thinking human being, you will probably need a drink to get through this list.

I am really not kidding, I wish I wasn’t on all the meds I was on, otherwise I would have had a couple of drinks myself. I had to take breaks, it is just amazing to me that people like this still exist. There is so much stupid in on video, your brain will be dumbfounded.

For those that don’t know who Roosh V. is, I will introduce you to him before we start with the list. He is first generation American (Armenian and Iranian). To quote this guy on youtube

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Here is the video:

Here is the Video description

I made this video so American women can understand all the things they do wrong. I hope that they will embark on a journey of self-improvement after watching it.

I even wrote down the list for those who don’t want to watch it, are hard of hearing or deaf because the captions for it suck.  I will respond to each statement after I finished this list. My thoughts in this are italicized. The lines show where Roosh’s statements begin, I skipped the intro (nothing stood out in the intro), but kept the ending in for reasons you will see.

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Roosh’s “36 Things Wrong with American Women” 

  1. They’re fat. Fat girls are simply unattractive. So, why should you waste time dating a fat girl?
  2. They’re constantly glued to their smartphone. These girls are addicted to an electronic device and are less capable of human interaction.
  3. They cut their hair short. They are so lazy to maintain long hair they make themselves ugly on purpose.
  4. They’re more impressed with the crappy DJ or instagram celebrity than a doctor who saves lives.
  5. They think being overly sarcastic is a quality that men love. Wrong, being sarcastic is rude and doesn’t show that you have a good sense of humor.
  6. They listen to stupid websites when it comes to learning how to please men.
  7. They don’t know how to cook. They’re idea of cooking is using a microwave or preparing macaroni and cheese and some women don’t even know how to do that.
  8. They wear flips flops when they are not at the beach, not at the pool or not in their house.  Flip flops are the laziest footwear you can put on and it screams to the world you simply don’t care.
  9. They have condoms in their dresser because they are fully prepared to sleep with random men. A man only wants a girl to be a slut for himself, not the entire town.
  10. They idolize drug addicted celebrities aiming to mimic their dead brain behavior. The role model for todays girl is Kim Kardashian, not a woman who actually achieved things in life.
  11. They acquire pets instead of putting in the work to land a quality man. When a woman gives up in life she buys a dog, this is sad.
  12. They don’t know how to be sexy and feminine, only trashy and slutty. Modern American women have no idea how to be a lady on the streets.
  13. They have standards way beyond their level of attractiveness. Even an average girl thinks she should land a prince charming.
  14. They think that to have a good job means they are a quality girl and a good catch. Newsflash, guys don’t care about your stupid office job nonprofit gig.
  15. They wear pajamas in public, this is retarded.
  16. They enjoy books like Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey, and The Secret. They are addicted to dead brain entertainment that makes them dumber.
  17. Their idea of travel is going to the beach or France. They have no idea how to use travel to learn about other cultures.
  18. They have too many trashy tattoos. Too many American women these days look like prison convicts.
  19. They are proud to be dating many men at the same time as if they were men themselves. These days women have no shame in hiding the fact they are sluts.
  20. They do and say filthy things in bed, even the first time you have sex with them as if they were an amateur porn actress. You know they are doing that to every other guy as well.
  21. They cockblock their own girlfriends when they are jealous. They can’t have it so their friend meets someone while they don’t.
  22. They make lame excuses for not putting effort into their appearance. It seems like a race to the bottom for every girl to be as homely as possible.
  23. #24 -(wait wheres #23) They always lie the first time you get them in bed saying “I’ve never done this before,” we know that’s a lie, but they continue saying it for every guy they sleep with.
  24. #25- (yeah, I think he skipped a number, misspoke, or can’t count) They confused being a challenge with being whiny and annoying. They have no idea how stupid they look when they give men are hard time for spending time with them.
  25. #26-They watch way too much TV, letting it influence their personalities. When you go on a date with an American girl, you are dating a combination of characters she has seen on television
  26. #27-On the way home from their comfortable office job they take off their work shoes and put on dirty sneakers. They have no idea how much of a slob they look when they do this.
  27. #28- They age their skin prematurely through fake tans. Maybe they will look good this week or next month, but in a few years time they are going to look like a raisin.
  28. #29-They insist on eating pizza, gyro, and other fattening food after a night of binge drinking and then they wonder why they are so fat.
  29. #30-They’re obsessed with cupcakes. An American woman gets satisfaction from eating tiny baked goods.
  30. #31-They care more about maintaining a career than a good home or family. She has made money the most important part of her life more than having kids or a good husband.
  31. #32-They rarely wear high heels, one of the most feminine behaviors that a woman can do.
  32. #33-They think dining out and eating food slathered with butter and salt makes them cultured and they call themselves a foodie while they do it. It just makes them fat instead.
  33. #34- They don’t speak any foreign languages. They think America is the center of the universe.
  34. #35-Their intellectual curiosity doesn’t go beyond the pages of gawker or buzzfeed. To get them to actually learn about the truths of the world is impossible.
  35. And Lastly #36-They drone on and on about the stupidest personal drama and nonsense. Thinking the day to day things they come across are critically important to anyone else

So there you have it, 36 (it’s 35) that are wrong with American women. While no woman of the world is perfect, I find that American women have the most flaws out of all the other foreign women I’ve dated. If you are stuck dating American girls right now, it would be worth your time and energy to see what foreign women have to offer you.

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I actually feel physically ill just typing this list up; listening to it over and over again to make sure I got his exact words. My reaction upon listening to this individual and typing up this entire list.

wtf

By the way. congratulations. You made it through this asinine list created by a manchild that is upset that women want to be their own person and have a desire for independence.

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That list was painful to type up, for those that didn’t want to watch the video or for those that are hard of hearing or deaf, you are welcome.

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Headache starting thanks to this

Now onto my thoughts. I will respond to each individual remark he made with my own. His words will be in italics, my response won’t be.

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The Hell That is Lyme Disease

It has been quite a while since I have posted on this blog and not because I haven’t had the desire to. Back in February, I began to notice I was beginning to struggle with reading and writing. Before this, I was already experiencing constant exhaustion, to the point that if I wasn’t doing homework, I was usually sleeping. It started out in Spring 2014, when I started taking more naps than usual, but I attributed that to the stress of college life and being an older-than-traditional college student. I had a memory loss issue where I couldn’t remember who I was or where I was; that was fun. At my job I was having trouble focusing on the work, despite it being extremely simplistic (just putting labels on books); I kept switching up book labels and many times I forgot if I labeled the book at all. I tried to get better.

In the fall of 2015 a lot of stuff happened. Boyfriend lost his job, another relative came to live with us (very, very stressful since she is in her 90s), plumbing issues in the house from the toilet to the kitchen, a car accident happened, grandma went to the hospital (but she seems to always be going there), I lost my job in October because I kept making mistakes by switching up the labels. There is more, but I honestly can’t remember the details. I kept working hard in school, but I was tired a lot and was constantly taking naps. I honestly thought this was because I was dealing with a lot of stress and was feeling pretty depressed.

Finally in the Spring of 2015, my boyfriend was becoming very concerned that I was sleeping a lot. My parents thought I was maybe depressed, but to be honest, even I suspected something was up once my boyfriend mentioned his concern. At this point I was just doing homework and sleeping. I had a really hard time doing anything else. Around this time, I sadly lost someone who I had considered a really good friend. I had brought up some concerns I had and that individual became very angry and lashed out at me. I was extremely hurt emotionally and between being tired all the time, having a hard time reading and writing, and just generally living, I didn’t get back in touch, but my boyfriend did for me. Once I had the energy, that individual was pissed that I didn’t get back in touch right away  and said our friendship was over because I didn’t care. That whole story is complicated, but even now I look back at that time with sadness, no regrets, just sadness. I digress though….  It was actually watching the RHOBH reunion episode with Yolanda Foster when I began to suspect that I had lyme disease. She stated that she had trouble reading and writing. I really connected to that, but not wanting to be like the billions of people that self-diagnose using the powers of the internet, I made an appointment to go see the Doctor and I had my father with me, at this point I didn’t trust my memory at all. I told my father before we went about my difficulty reading and writing, and how I was frustrated at how I’d been continually sick for the past 5-6 years. He was very helpful during the appointment.

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Sexual Assaults at UT

At the University of Tennessee within a month there were 5 sexual assaults reported all by young women. Knowing the statistics though, the number of sexual assaults that have occurred on a college campus no doubt double that number.

This year the UT Police Department are obligated to send an email out to all the students, faculty, and staff every time a sexual assault is reported to them. The students identity have been kept a secret and none of the young women have chosen to file charges. Out of the 5 that occurred, only 1 of them was by a stranger and that was when that person was going out for a run.

There are three things about this whole situation that have bothered me.

3.) Students reactions to the reports

On anonymous social media apps like Yik Yak, students revealed their true thoughts on the issue. Many blamed the victim. Others made a joke out of it or thought they were simply lying (hence why they aren’t pressing charges).

reminder about rape  lying about rape

Whether it is groping, rape, or another other form of sexual assault, it isn’t funny. Stop joking about it. You are not only making light of the matter, you are empowering and encouraging those committing these horrid actions and you are being disrespectful and hurtful toward the victims.

people saying shit trying to be funny

Thankfully there were a few that said this shit needed to stop.

what is wrong with you be responsible

2.) Not one of them have want to file charges against the individual.

I understand why, one of them probably thought that finding the individual would have been unlikely.

Consent-13

 

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As for the other young women that knew their assailant, I’m not surprised they didn’t file charges. You don’t feel people would believe you no matter what you do, people will look down on you because of what happened, and people will say that you shouldn’t have put yourself in that situation and question why did you trust him.

They wouldn’t say or lay any of the blame on the one who hurt you, they would just focus all that blame on you instead.

So before anyone out there lays all the blame on the victim check yourself and stop judging.

1.) It’s happening.

The fact that its happeing. The fact that there are students on campus going through this, is terrible. No one should have to go through this.

While I am glad that more awareness is being brought to this problem, it is sad that it still exists. It is sad that young women are afraid to file charges and its sad that sexual assailants get away unscared.

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Spread the word. Share this blog with your family, friends, etc.

Mental Health Awareness Month

mental health

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May is mental health awareness month.

I really feel that mental health isn’t taken as seriously as physical health. If I were to be honest, it still feels that someone can be stigmatized if they had health issues.

From my experience it seems to be worse if it is related to your mental health.

If we injure our leg due to sports, we can talk about going to our physical therapist without a problem.  Yet whether life injures me or my body has chemical issues causing me to be depressed or anxious if I talk about seeing my therapist people begin to feel uncomfortable or they avoid me like I have the plague.

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Why is that?

Mental Health does not just affect an individual mentally, it can affect their physical health as well. It can cause they to be tired, hurting, nauseous, etc.

Why does it still seem taboo to talk about it?

People are still afraid to talk about their mental health. They are afraid of being judge, being looked at differently, or just being seen as weak.

I am not going to lie, I am scared to talk about my mental health. For me it is something I have struggled with since I was 11/12 years old. I don’t remember a day when I felt normal. I can’t tell you the many times that I have been called crazy just because I have depression and anxiety.

Why should I be judged for living mental health issues?

I plan on posting more about my battles with mental health this month. I am really afraid, but I am tired of having this topic be so stigmatized and people being so judgy about it.

Do you struggle with your mental health? What is your biggest struggle? Let me know in the comments below!

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What Everyone Should have in their Medicine Cabinet.

For the past 4 years I have been sick more than I have ever in the 23, almost 24 years I have been alive. In one year alone I caught the cold at least 8 times, the flu  3 to 4.

Walgreen’s was my friend that year. I have a medicine cabinet that is so ready for anything. Call me Dr. Vanek. That is what my roommate calls me anyway. Heck, I  helped her and my hall-mate when they were both sick, since I knew exactly what they were going through, having gone through it myself.

This is not a detailed list, these are the everyday basics that I believe everyone should have on hand. Don’t forget, you can always get the store brand of any of these products, usually they work just the same and they are cheaper. (usually)

Medicine you should always have in your medicine box*:

  • Contac: great for cold and flu there is a variety. There is the day/night version. Which I usually use. However for those cases that are really bad where u r left in bed for days, they have extra strength as well.
    contac max contac
  • Vitamin C: even though it isn’t medicine vitamin c generally helps fight off bugs and helps your immune system, in fact if u have health issues I recommend you taking it. If u r starting to notice your throat is a little sore or has a scratchy feeling; vitamin c to the rescue. There are also Vitamin C Drops you can take as well, but don’t treat them like candy! There is a limit to how many you can have a day.
    vitamin c drops Nature Made Vitamin C Capsules Rose Hips Time Release Walmart Target GNC discount generic immune system common cold antioxidants scurvy
  • Allergy Medicine: For me I keep Zyrtec. This is actually one of the few medications that I have noticed where the store brand is not as effective as the regular brand.
    zyrtec-side-effects
  • Mucinex: Really great if you keep coughing and nothing is coming up. I used this for about 2 years on and off after I dealt with bronchitis. It was very helpful. Yes, you will cough more at times (unless you get the cough suppressant version). It all depends on which one you get and how bad your congestion is. They also have a version for the nose, I rarely use this one. In fact I usually just use vicks vapor rub to help me clear my nose.
    mucinex max mucinex
  • Robitussin: yes cough syrup. I know it tastes gross and nasty, but if you have constant coughing and using cough drops is only doing so much, you will probably want to use some.
    Robitussin DM syr3fe7f0dc-c549-4684-839f-a04500f8d7bb
  • Cough Drops: Sugar free is better, yes it is nastier however if u r wanting to be healthy why would u want something so sugary. If you. Don’t mind having cough drops with sugar the ones shown are the cough drops I prefer.
    pDGC1-12183082v380 RIC-07917-1
  • Pepto-Bismol chewable tablets: I can’t stand the liquid, when I’m feeling nauseous that thought of having to drink the stud makes me sick. So I use the tablets instead.
    pepto
  • Vick’s Vapor Rub: for when u nose is stuffed and you are having trouble breathing. This can also be helpful if u are coughing a lot at night and you throat is really aggravated. Rub under your nose and chest area. Sounds weird but it works.
    vicks_vaporub_for_treating_toenail_fungus
  • Band aids: there are many kinds of band aids. It is best to get a hug pack that has multiple sizes. Just simple logic there.
    bandaid
  • Neosporin: for cuts of course. You can also use Vitamin E caplets that you just poke a hole into, but Neosporin is more effective when it comes to scar reduction.
    neosporin
  • Thermometer: you will be amazed about how many people don’t think to have a thermometer. Strangely it is one of things that are usually forgotten when it comes to their medicine cabinet.
    thermometer
  • Tylenol: while one shouldn’t overuse Tylenol for it can lead to liver damage, it is better to use sparingly. I only use it when I have my period or if I have a severe migraine.
    Tylenol-with-pills
  • Ibuprofen: if you are concerned about your liver, than this would be better to take for pain. However instead of affecting your liver, it will affect your kidneys . It is also a good fever reducer, I usually though let nature take its course and change out cold compresses and cold washcloths. It takes longer, but it allows your body to build immunity and not have to deal with the side effects of medication.
    ibprofun

        In general when it comes to pain medication, try to use sparingly. m You don’t want to effect your body.

  • Aleve: this is good if you have joint pain often. I usually have knee pain due to tendonitis, although it is rare when I use it. I usually use it when the weather drastically changes, that is when I usually feel the pain.
    aleve
  • Bengay: you may never have heard of this, most of the people I know haven’t. It is like Icey Hot, although I don’t like Icey Hot, I have had a bad reaction and it actually hurt my skin so much my skin was burning. It felt like my neck was on fire and I was crying from the pain, we had to wash the Icey Hot off (my boyfriend and I) and we had to keep cooling off the area with freezing cold water. It hurt that much. After that experience I stick with Bengay. It is a cream and it smells like peppermint. It is a little messy and you should wash your hands right away after using it. For you will probably want to rub your eyes just because of the fumes and you don’t want to get this stuff in your eyes. Trust me, it burns and it is no fun.
    bengay-782152

 

What is in your medicine cabinet? Did I leave something out that I should have? Let me know in the comments below?

*I am not a licensed Doctor, physician, or pharmacist. This is just a recommendation. Before you use any medicine, if you have ongoing pain, nauseous, lung, or any health issues. You should consult you doctor. I am no expert. I am merely a young woman who has often been sick and trying to be helpful.

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Why I Don’t Get Flu Vaccinations?

no flu shot

I recently went to the doctors where once again I was recommended to get a flu shot. And once again I said no. Every year I am asked if I want one. Ever year I say no and I am strongly recommended to get the flu vaccine. I still say no.

I am not against vaccinations in general. They help prevent disease like polio, smallpox,etc. from infecting individuals. However when it comes to the flu, it really is impossible to protect oneself from it completely. After all there are numerous strains that cause the flu virus and those strains tend to evolve.

Also you may be protected from a certain number of strains of the virus, but what if soon after you are exposed to another strain of the flu virus. While your body is building up antibodies to the “dead” virus another virus with a different strain that is active could come along in the meantime causing you to be ill. The flu vaccine itself doesn’t make you sick, but being exposed to another strain that was not included in the shot soon after can cause one to become sick.

No thanks. Personally I don’t want to take a chance.

Also my parents and I had practiced this same concept and idea when it comes to taking antibiotics. Yes, I know they are different however my parents and I for years did not believe in going to the doctor every time I got a cold. Well know we have superbugs! They  resulted from everyone overusing antibiotics, whether it is doctors giving them like candy on Halloween or they are being feed to animals which go into our food which go into our bodies.

While people may think that I am completely against vaccinations (which I’m not) and think that my parents are backward in their thinking (my father and two uncles work in the medical field), that isn’t the case. Bacteria adapts and viruses evolve.

I rather my body fight it on its own terms, no constantly be put at risk every time I get the flu vaccine.

 

My Confession: I’m Still Angry I’m not in the Best Health Like I Used to Be

photoFor as long as I could remember I hardly got sick. The most I dealt with at times was my allergies and colds. The first time I ever got a virus was my junior year in high school and I had never had the flu shot.

Than I went off to college. My first year I did fine, but my second year at UTC, well I was exposed to Black Mold for 4-5 months and I didn’t even know it. I don’t want to go into it right now, that is not the topic of this post. With being exposed to black mold I contracted bronchitis and tonsillitis (at the same time), got the flu several times throughout the whole school year, my immune system was weakened in general, I had vertigo issues, and my metabolism plummeted.

It doesn’t help that a year later once I moved back home I had a fall down the stairs. I lost my balance and as a result I injured both of my knees, resulting in tendinitis. My knees hurt to this day, therapy helped and I do the exercises and stretches, but life happens.

I haven’t been the same since.

Even though it has been over 4 years since I got sick and over 3 years since my fall, I am not where I would like to be. It is so frustrating because I didn’t have to worry about this before. I was in really good health before and now I have to constantly make sure I don’t get sick. My roommate has been sick and I have been helping her by giving her vitamins and medicine, I have also been worried the whole time will I get sick.

I am surprised I haven’t already.

I’m not even including my mental health in this, for that is a whole other story in itself.

I just wish that I was in better shape and in better health. I do exercise occasionally its just hard between work, classes, homework, and trying to keep up with this blog.

I guess I am just frustrated with myself and my body because I really wish it would go back to the way it was. I do take vitamins, I do some stretches and exercises. I eat a more healthy diet than I used to, I try to sleep more (with being a college student its hard), and I go to the doctors more often.

Only time will help and make it better. Still, it’s not fun while I am waiting.

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Tennessee Threatening to Shutdown Sex Week

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Sex Week is not until March 2, but already Tennessee lawmakers are only threatening to limit even more student funding for all student organizations, not just SEAT. And all because Sex Week is happening.

What is Sex Week?

The Mission of Sex Week:

“Sexual Empowerment and Awareness at Tennessee (SEAT) strives to foster a comprehensive and academically-informed conversation about sex, sexuality, and relationships with the purpose of educating the University of Tennessee student body and the Knoxville community through innovative, collaborative, and entertaining programming and events.”

Wow, this sounds so scandalous. Pardon me while I roll my eyes.

Once again Tennessee lawmakers are freaking out over sex week. While I am trying to be unbiased in this, the fact that I go here, have a roommate that is on the board so I know I am already a little biased. However once you look at the facts, there is little reason to be upset, after all when it comes to sex week there is a little something for everyone.

Here is an entire list of all the activities offered during Sex Week:

  • Cooking Class
  • Hook-up Culture
  • Sexy Oscars Party
  • Women’s Health
  • War, Sexuality, and Aggression
  • Communication, Consent,and Sexual Assault
  • Sexual Pleasure, Health, and Advocacy
  • Gender Theory 101
  • Abstinence
  • Porn, Then and Now
  • Cross-Cultural Sexuality
  • Sex Trivia & Pizza
  • Sexploration
  • Dance Class
  • Ted Talks Marathon (not an actually Ted Talk, just Ted Talks relevant to sex, sexuality, gender, and relationships)
  • Sexual Assault Roundtable
  • Transgender Sexuality
  • Orgasms and Masturbation
  • Relationship Workshop
  • Pornography
  • TN Politics and Policy
  • Ask A (S)expert
  • Commitment and Sex
  • Religion and Sexuality
  • Jamar Roger Concert
  • Lamda Drag Show
  • Middle East and Sexuality
  • Sex and the Law
  • Art Show
  • Poetry Slam

To learn more information about what each event just click here to go to the schedule.

If you look through the complete list, you will see that this is very diverse and not just focused on teaching students how to have sex, or encourage students to have sex. Rather, in my opinion, it is informing students about sex itself, something that needs to be addressed.

Unfortunately here in the state of Tennessee sex education in public school is not the greatest. I am one of the more lucky ones because I had parents willing to answer questions and I went to  private school up north (a catholic one at that). No doubt many students in the state of Tennessee encounter sex for the first time in either high school where sadly sex education is still lacking or in college.

Now personally I believe in Abstinence, although it can be very hard and difficult at times. Still though, I know not everyone will be up for that idea, so shouldn’t they at least know what they are getting into before they get into it? I want to state that I am Catholic and I am for sex week because I believe it is important to be informed.

A few of the topics that I am very excited about and hope I will be able to attend are Commitment and Sex; Can’t Touch this: Abstinence; Religion and Sexuality Panel; Communication, Consent, and Sexual Assault Prevention; Middle East and Sexuality; and the the Drag Show.

Tennessee lawmakers are not happy about Sex Week happening again and this time they are threatening all student organizations, not just SEAT. How? My impression was they were thinking of cutting or eliminating student funding that will effect all student funding for all organizations.

Here is the actual resolution.

The individual who basically proposed this is Stacy Campfield, a Catholic who speaks out against the drag show, condom scavenger hunt, and some of the other topics that are scheduled throughout sex week. Although I have not read any articles on what he has stated this year, I remember last year that they were worried about how it would corrupt the students and how it was improper to use funds for this kind of program. Stacy Campfield currently has 28 supporters for this resolution.

Last year they decided a week before sex week last year to pull $10,000 dollars of funding. Within that week, SEAT was able to raise all that money back. With that in mind it is obvious that the students want Sex Week to happen.

The fact that organization is offering a wide variety of topics when it comes to the matters of sex should be noted. They are not forcing one side of the issue on anyone. I want to point out what it states on the topic of abstinence for instance

“SEAT believes abstinence is a legitimate choice. This panel will discuss the different definitions of abstinence, how to make your decision, and how to explain your decision to others.”

A group of speakers will be on the panel to discuss Abstinence. Yah! And it is recognized as legitimate. After hearing many times from individuals saying that Abstinence is not a legitimate choice, it is really nice to hear.

On a related note, but not related at the same time to the topic at hand.

I do not see Tennessee Lawmakers getting involved when their football players are being arrested for having large parties. Especially when they should be held to a higher standard since they are representing the university. (I will have a blog post soon about all the times within the past 5 or so years that Tennessee players have been arrested.) I do not hear Tennessee lawmakers crying foul or trying to cut funding to that.

I do not see Tennessee lawmakers getting up in arms about the Greek community as more and more fraterniy chapters are being revoked due to inappropriate conduct. I’m sure the nation still remembers us for the butt chugging incident. (I will also post soon about all the incidents that have occurred, but as of right now I know that at least 4 fraternity’s have been suspended and a few have had their charter revoked.  I do not see Tennessee making stricter laws when it comes to Greek organizations.

To get back to the topic, SEX Week is an informative week for students with all different beliefs and backgrounds. As someone who is Catholic I support sex week.

To learn more about what is going on and all the details, check it out the articles below:

Please spread the word! Share this article. Reblog it, like it, and comment on it. This is very important.

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10 Signs You are not Emotionally Ready for a Relationship.

A few weeks back I read a blog post that I partially agreed with and partially didn’t. All of you have probably heard of it by now. 23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You ‘re 23.

I was writing another blog post in regards to “23 Things” and it became so long I knew I was going to have to narrow it down and not include this list.

We have all come across this person at least once in our life. This person feels like they need someone in their life to feel complete. They constantly are looking for a guy (or girl) to be in a relationship with or they are constantly in a relationships, always talking about how this person makes them feel so special/important/loved. They are always talking about boys/girls needing someone in their life. They tend to date the same time of people over and over again. There is also the possibility that they are in unhealthy relationships and they don’t know it.  They promise not to make the same mistake again or vow to not date and a few months later once again, they found, “The One.”

If you don’t know anyone like this, if you don’t even have an acquaintance that fits this description, you may want to take a good look in the mirror. You could be the one that is constantly needing a relationship. You may be the one that jumps from person to person (I’m not even talking sexually, I’m talking about “committed” relationships). You may need to evaluate your way of thinking.

Are you unsure if you should get into a relationship? Here are 10 Signs

  1. You haven’t dealt with your issues yet and you don’t want to.  All the issues that we develop over the years will never truly go away, they only become easier to deal with, to understand, and recognize. If you haven’t dealt with them, you aren’t ready. If you are going to bury your head in the sand like an ostrich when it comes to dealing and recognizing you have issues you aren’t ready for a relationship.
  2. You are willing to change everything about yourself for the other person. There is nothing wrong with bettering oneself, in fact I highly encourage you to try to become a better person. But, if you are willing to change everything you are for the sake of the other person, that is an issue. You like comic books, your guy thinks comic books are only for guys, nerds ,etc. Although that is a minor example, the same example can be applied to religion, politics, social issues, etc.Do you also finding yourself tending to change your personality depending on the guy/girl you are with? You tend to be more into sports when he is around because he is into sports? You like or don’t video games because she/he does/doesn’t? One minute you are preppy and the next minute you are goth because your guy/girl just happens to be like that? Yes, that is a problem. There is a difference between finding out who you are and switching between different personalities and personas of yourself.
  3. You are constantly looking for Love or “The One.” Are you constantly calling/texting/chatting with your friends about how much you want to be with someone? Are you constantly on dating websites, hookup websites, etc just in case you might meet that someone special. Are you constantly going out to places and scoping out the scenes in order to find true love? If the thought of finding someone special is taking up more than 90% of your time that is an issue.I understand that if you do want to meet someone that you have to put yourself out there, but don’t forget your own interests! Read, write, shoot some hoops. Do something! If your only interest is finding a guy/girl or if that is the only interest of yours that you pursue, you need to check yourself.
  4. Someone Save Me from (insert problem, issue, etc)! No one will be able to make you life perfect, magical, or easy. The other person is human too! You expect another human being with their own flaws, issues, and obstacles to handle your own as well. Not only is that delusional, it is pretty selfish. You need to learn to fight your own battles, overcome your own problems, and work at your life.It’s not bad to have someone to help you get through it. To have someone to talk to, but they shouldn’t be a crutch, they should just be your shoulder to cry on for a few moments. Someone to listen to your problems, they shouldn’t be there to solve every single problem and help you make decisions whether they are minor or major.
  5. You want to Save him. You see that he has real potential. I hate to break it to you, if he wants to change for the better, he will do it with or without your help. Yes, a man can meet a girl and that can inspire him to be a better, but that is the thing, he has to be inspired, he has to want to become a better person.Also most of the time, a lot of people aren’t ready, willing, or wanting to change. Forcing someone or trying to get someone to change is not only pointless but can cause resentment on both sides. Would you rather have a project for a boyfriend, fiance,or husband or someone who is mature and can treat you with respect?
  6. You have trust Issues. Whether it is because you were abandoned by your dad, neglected by your mom, or you have had terrible exes, you don’t trust anyone. You think it is okay to check that persons email, read their facebook message with their friends without them knowing, checking their texts, or monitoring who they call and hang out with.  If you do any of these things, I don’t care what excuse you use, you are not ready and you need to get help.
  7. You are constantly dating people that are bad for you. Seriously if every choice (or every other choice) that you make tends to end badly. Friends, family don’t like him/her. They say, “S/He doesn’t respect you,” “That was really rude of him/her,” “S/He shouldn’t be treating you like that,” etc. Now if s/he lies to you about where s/he is going, has cheated on you, flirts constantly with other people, says he/she can get anyone they want to your face, calls you an idiot or stupid, throws engagement rings in the trash, etc. Those are inexcusable behaviors. Also, if you do tend to date people that are like this and think this is normal, you really should go see someone for help. I’m not saying you are crazy, but these behaviors and these relationships are really unhealthy. It becomes an addiction, you can’t break the cycle and you need help.
  8. You feel Like you need a Relationship (or just someone) to be Happy. No, this is definitely the wrong mentality to have. Only you can make yourself happy and find ways to make yourself happy. You need to work at it.Find something that makes you happy. Do something that makes you happy that doesn’t involve getting into a romantic, sexual, or whatever kind of relationship you seek so you can be happy.Now if you are battling depression or other mental illness, I can tell you from experience being a relationship won’t cure it or help it go away. The only way to get help is to go to therapy and or go on medication. There is nothing wrong with needing therapy or needing to go on medication for help. We all could use help.
  9. “I just want a relationship so bad!” Are you wanting a relationship because you are tired of being alone? All your friends are in relationships and you aren’t? Being desperate for someone isn’t a good thing either. In fact, you open yourself up to people that could be bad for you.  Also just because your friends have realtionships does not mean they are good relationships. Also being desperate is not attractive for either gender.
  10. “I Just want to find “The One”, settle down, get married and have kids.” It is a nice thought and it’s not terrible to want to find that someone special to share the rest of your life. Still though, if that is your primary focus, you need to have a change in perspective. How are you going to take care of said family? What abut money?  Heck what if the relationship ends badly and you need to leave? Do you have a way to support yourself? What about the kids in your life? It is always good to have a back up plan and have interests beyond your man.

You don’t need someone to be complete! 

You Don’t Need Someone To Be Complete

A few weeks back I read a blog post that I partially agreed with and partially didn’t. All of you have probably heard of it by now. 23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You ‘re 23. Although I don’t agree with everything she said or her list of things to do, I did see some value in it.

While reading the article it reminded me on my thoughts on marriage and getting married young age. I live in the southeast, so a lot of people are still getting married at a young age and it still surprises me how many people I have met in college whose whole purpose is to get their “Mrs.” or find a “good wife. ” Yes, my mother got married at 23 and my dad 24, but it was not planned, they didn’t actively seek to find “the one”, and they dated for a very long time, about 4-5 years. I am myself 23 years old, in a relationship, I’m not engaged, and I am okay with that.

While I am okay with that, I have known girls, friends and acquaintances that talk about the fact that they wish they could meet someone, how they need to have someone in their life to feel whole and complete. When I read “23 Things” I really wonder if those were the kind of people she was talking about. You know, the girls that are/were obsessed with boys in high school/college. They didn’t feel right, complete, important, special, etc. unless they had a boyfriend or a guy telling them they are wonderful, special, important, etc. They needed a guy to feel whole and complete as a human being.

The people that I knew that had issues when it comes to “always needing someone syndrome” tend to have family issues. Whether it was abuse, neglect, abandonment, or all of the above- their self confidence was usually pretty low and they needed someone. As a result, I noticed that girls would look for love like every day was a Black Friday Sale, and it can be a scary thing.

As someone who has been single, in a relationship short term and with being in a relationship long term I can tell you one thing, no guy, no one can ever make you ever feel complete.  I feel like I have found my other half with my boyfriend, he complements me, he is my partner in life. However, even with realizing I have found my partner in crime, I still had a lots of issues, learning, and growing up to do. Even with finding him, there were (and are still) hurts, anxieties, and problems that need to be dealt with before we get married. He has his own as well.

I can’t tell you how many times I have come across friends and acquaintances that are getting married who I believe truly aren’t ready and emotionally mature for marriage. Especially when said individual has declared on numerous occasions that “I think he is the one” in regards to over 20 different boys (I don’t say men either for a reason) in a span of 2-3 years.

It saddens me because these people are beautiful, talented, and wonderful but because they don’t see it in themselves. Also you don’t to have a relationship to be complete and feel whole. Before you get into a relationships you should really evaluate yourself to see if you are ready.  If you feel like you need someone to be complete, that is one of the signs you are not ready for a relationship. To read the list I have come up with, check it out here.

So while I didn’t agree with everything she said (seriously don’t be in with two guys at once without the other knowing it’s an open relationship, that is just stupid), I will agree with the fact that we should appreciate the fact that when we are single and take advantage of everything life has to offer.