Lyme disease

The Hell That is Lyme Disease

It has been quite a while since I have posted on this blog and not because I haven’t had the desire to. Back in February, I began to notice I was beginning to struggle with reading and writing. Before this, I was already experiencing constant exhaustion, to the point that if I wasn’t doing homework, I was usually sleeping. It started out in Spring 2014, when I started taking more naps than usual, but I attributed that to the stress of college life and being an older-than-traditional college student. I had a memory loss issue where I couldn’t remember who I was or where I was; that was fun. At my job I was having trouble focusing on the work, despite it being extremely simplistic (just putting labels on books); I kept switching up book labels and many times I forgot if I labeled the book at all. I tried to get better.

In the fall of 2015 a lot of stuff happened. Boyfriend lost his job, another relative came to live with us (very, very stressful since she is in her 90s), plumbing issues in the house from the toilet to the kitchen, a car accident happened, grandma went to the hospital (but she seems to always be going there), I lost my job in October because I kept making mistakes by switching up the labels. There is more, but I honestly can’t remember the details. I kept working hard in school, but I was tired a lot and was constantly taking naps. I honestly thought this was because I was dealing with a lot of stress and was feeling pretty depressed.

Finally in the Spring of 2015, my boyfriend was becoming very concerned that I was sleeping a lot. My parents thought I was maybe depressed, but to be honest, even I suspected something was up once my boyfriend mentioned his concern. At this point I was just doing homework and sleeping. I had a really hard time doing anything else. Around this time, I sadly lost someone who I had considered a really good friend. I had brought up some concerns I had and that individual became very angry and lashed out at me. I was extremely hurt emotionally and between being tired all the time, having a hard time reading and writing, and just generally living, I didn’t get back in touch, but my boyfriend did for me. Once I had the energy, that individual was pissed that I didn’t get back in touch right away  and said our friendship was over because I didn’t care. That whole story is complicated, but even now I look back at that time with sadness, no regrets, just sadness. I digress though….  It was actually watching the RHOBH reunion episode with Yolanda Foster when I began to suspect that I had lyme disease. She stated that she had trouble reading and writing. I really connected to that, but not wanting to be like the billions of people that self-diagnose using the powers of the internet, I made an appointment to go see the Doctor and I had my father with me, at this point I didn’t trust my memory at all. I told my father before we went about my difficulty reading and writing, and how I was frustrated at how I’d been continually sick for the past 5-6 years. He was very helpful during the appointment.

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abusing authority

What I Learned: When People in Power Abuse Their Authority

I was scrolling through twitter looking at #WalterScott. Out of the millions of tweets I saw, one resonated with me. I don’t have an image of the tweet, just the words they said. 

  “How do I explain to my nephew that the same people who are here to protect you maybe the ones to actually kill you. #WalterScott”  

 If that doesn’t make you think, I don’t think you have a brain to use.

I want to tell you a quick story about myself before I get to my response. 

 Between the ages of 11 and 12, I remember it being such a difficult time for me, from 9/11, to a big move (RI to TN), my father suffering from heart issues, other family matters, and then the start of my (still) ongoing struggle with depression, I was having a hard time.  I wasn’t violent or nasty. I was just sad, alone, and confused. There were those in authority that acted deceitful in response to my mental health.

I can’t talk about too many of the specifics just yet; it is still difficult to even mention this much. It had become known to all in my class that I was suffering from depression, and some events and words of mine were highly exaggerated. 

Word got back to some influential and wealthy parents. A Principal and their assistant, possibly concerned with losing money, decided that I was to be the sacrifice that must be made. The situation was constructed where I was made to look like the bad guy and I was basically blackmailed to leave (unbeknownst to the classmates. I had found out from a friend who was in that class that they were never told that I was forced to leave. They thought it’d been my choice). Even though I went to see a therapist like they’d requested of me, I was still rejected and they saw me as a problem. Either I leave or they would make me look mentally unstable/violent and to be watched at all times. 

I felt betrayed and confused. How can someone who espoused Christian views, have treated me in this way?  I wasn’t a danger to anyone (my therapist told them that herself). The reason, my disillusioned self would soon learn, was because there was (and still is) a stigma around mental health, and the fact that there were generous benefactors for the school who didn’t like my presence. It didn’t help either that I wasn’t the best student at the time and my grades were suffering as a result of my depression, so it was no loss for them to get rid of me. It was more trouble to keep me there. My parents, wanting to spare me of the whole thing (the emotional impact had already been great) and not being able to afford a lawyer, couldn’t and didn’t fight to disprove the allegation.

I couldn’t understand it for the longest time. 

Over time I began to not trust all those in authority; to be honest I still don’t. I hear stories of ministers and priests abusing children, politicians being bribed, teachers raping students, and now more and more we hear of people being killed by cops and God only knows how many were actually telling the truth. So many abuses of the authority and power given. Why? I constantly asked myself. Why?

I, at the age of 12 learned this hard lesson and this is what I would say to my child if I had one.


So what do you tell your child? 

Authority and power dont automatically make you a good person. On the contrary, those who are not of good character tend to have those bad qualities exacerbated as a result of the authority and power that is given to them. The sad truth is, there are many people of poor/bad character out there, many who are in positions of power and authority.

There are those in authority and power who are racists. There are those in authority and power who are sexists. There are those in authority and power who are bigoted. They have poor character and the power and authority they have only make things worse. Sadly, you will hear more about these people than you ever will of those who do the right thing. 

Why were they given power and authority?

The reason they were given power and authority is because a majority of people today value what someone can do for them over the actual character of the individual. They don’t care if a person is sexist or racist, just can they get the job done. As long as it doesn’t affect their work, they don’t care. 

But it does affect their work. It can somewhere along the line. 

Well that’s the thing about it; many people don’t think that far ahead. Most don’t believe that good character and good work ethic are valuable. They only see good character as a bonus, or they automatically assume that because you have good work ethic, you have good character. Or it could be they are sociable and make people feel so good about themselves that their bad character is either hidden by that, or the people that meet them overlook their bad character, excusing it.

Many times, people of bad character can also be very sociable and relatable.

How can one survive all this? Will I be safe?

You live day by day. You can only do so much to protect yourself from the dangers of the world. At the end of the day though no matter what happens to you, don’t give up hope. Fight. Fight for what is right and what you believe in. Fight with your every breath. Being safe is not nearly as important as being free and treated with respect. To be treated as someone with rights. I can’t promise you won’t get hurt, frankly I would be lying to you if I said you are safe from all harm.

What I can promise you is this, I will fight for you. You must fight for you, and you must inspire others to fight for each other. Call out those that abuse their authority and power. Call out those of poor character. Show and tell others that character matters far more than good work ethic or being pleasant. No matter who it is, no matter what side they are on. Right is right and wrong is wrong. 

Will I die?

We all die someday, the thing is though, we never know when. Do not let yourself become so scared of death it paralyzes you from living, for it will happen one way or another. The question is what are you going to do in the meantime? Will you live in fear of those in authority? Will you fear those who abuse their power?  Will you stand by as this continues? Or will you fight for those who are victims of the abuser?  Will you let the fear paralyze you? Or will you stand up for what is right?

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MTA3NzE (1)

Why Do People Still Believe Apollo?

People keep using the fact that Apollo has text messages as proof that Phaedra has cheated.

Before I continue with that though, let’s examine Apollo’s behavior and his past with a list.

  • He has been to jail before.
  • He has lied to Phaedra on multiple occasions
  • He has committed Fraud
  • He punches holes in the walls
  • Threatens Phaedra
  • Threatens to burn down the house
  • Gets enraged over the locks being changed and demands to know why
  • Approaches Phaedra with an electric screwdriver and tells her to not call the police
  • Shows up late to prison
  • We now know that he has threatened her from prison through a letter!

Do I need to go on?

Now since this man has lied multiple times about the most ridiculous things, has committed fraud, and has been violent why are people taking what he says seriously?

Look at this fake conversation I had made!

Look at this fake conversation I had made!

Just through a google search I found numerous sites here, here, and here just to start. Now if a man is able to commit bank fraud, I’m sure he can find a way to create fake texts. Anyone can make a facebook profile use another persons image and create a fake conversation.

I made a fake conversation that took less than 5 minutes. I don’t think it would be a problem for Apollo to do it.

What are your thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments below!

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you will be okay

No Cancelation- #BigOrangeScrew Once Again

Yes, that is an actual image of the bridge on campus not salted, not cleared off, and a dinky yellow sign that says caution wet floor. This was an image passed around on the #bigorangescrew hashftage on the 18th of this month during the terrible conditions that had forced many students, faculty, and other staff to stay home.

If you don’t remember, last year in January and February, there was a great deal of snow and the administration did a poor job of handling the situation. It is not uncommon for the University of Tennessee in Knoxville to not close the school despite the harsh weather conditions. Granted how the state and local government responds to the issue is another matter. This post will be focusing on how the University has handled it.

Now the Knox News Sentienal, a local newspaper, brings out this article as the University’s official reason as to why it doesn’t close. I started choking as I started to read it.

tumblr_mv1cukP74R1saqvcqo2_500

Here is the reason why I think that. When I was looking at @UTKnoxville’s twitter account I noticed they shared this.

You can see why I can bull on the whole story that they don’t close because of an incident that is over 50 years old.

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dress is a mess

What Color I thought #TheDress was (it’s weird)!

Some things, no matter how ridiculous, are just too fun to talk about. That is why I love the internet so much.

In this case we are talking about #TheDress. It has ruined families, relationships, and confused individuals to the point people are asking scientists and physicists as to what is going on?

I had gone to bed very early the night before, I was exhausted from a day of nothing but studying, being a little depressed, and watching DVR of reality shows (class was canceled again). When I woke up and checked my twitter feed this morning I see arguments of white and gold vs. Black and blue. Confused, I investigated. It all began on tumblr over friends debating over the color of a dress.

When I saw the dress, my first reaction was ‘what the?’

what-suspicious

I couldn’t see black in it at all! I saw light blue, but I didn’t see black. To me the other color was coppery bronze color. I thought it was light blue & a coppery color.

Yes, I know I am weird.

News articles, gag sites, and the company itself who made the dress are talking about this dress. According to wired it all comes down to science. How our eyes process low lighting.

Even though it is ridiculous I can’t help but laugh.

Here are some of my favorite memes I have come across that showcase TheDress issue:
B-3ShhVW8AETuEZ  tumblr_nkeqy8urLz1qzmkxwo1_500

1425053124-syn-2-1425046744-screen_shot_2015-02-27_at_91726_am 1425053138-syn-2-1425047351-tumblr_nkevge3hcd1qbo5j9o1_1280 B-0bzNAUYAATsz7 B-3LhTfW4AAtxb6

 

Screen Shot 2015-02-05 at 8.01.12 PM

B-4JZ5vVIAAbJei B-4L1BgWwAAZGBi

 

 

What color did you see? What do you think of #TheDress phenomenon? Do you have a favorite meme that has been made as a result of the dress? Let me know in the comments below!

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all the signs

50 Signs That Show You Can Read (or Watch) 50 Shades of Grey, Without Falling under its Spell

The Movie is coming out this weekend and all I can do is shudder. Many people around the world have read this abuse book disguised as erotica and have fallen under its spell. Sadly many of those same people will go out and watch the movie too (granted the script will probably be better than the book because they have someone who can write.) This makes me depressed.

There are those of us of course who recognize all these problems and still come out alive, but perhaps a little bit scarred as a result. You have my sympathies, but at least we are informed.

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classics

50 Classic Stories to Read (Instead of 50 Shades of Grey)

These books are stimulating and there is usually more than just romance in the story. There is this crazy thing called plot and it just happens to be well written too! In fact you might learn something. Some have happy endings, while others are tragic. Either way, you don’t need badly written erotica to learn more about yourself.

A List of Classic Stories that I would read over 50 Shades of Grey any day:

  1. Pride and Prejudice
  2. Persuasion
  3. Northanger Abbey
  4. Emma
  5. Mansfield Park
  6. Sense and Sensibility
  7. Wuthering Heights
  8. Jane Eyre
  9. Romeo and Juliet
  10. Much Ado About Nothing
  11. The Great Gatsby
  12. Les Miserables
  13. Gone with the Wind
  14. Anna Karina
  15. Their Eyes were Watching God
  16. Madam Bovary
  17. Casablanca (it was a play before a movie)
  18. Dangerous Liaisons
  19. Oliver Twist
  20. Fathers and Sons
  21. The Color Purple
  22. Vanity Fair
  23. I, Robot
  24. Growing up Rich
  25. Foundations Trilogy
  26. Lord of the Rings Trilogy
  27. The Hobbit
  28. Of Mice and Men
  29. Tender is the Night
  30. Slaughterhouse-Five
  31. The Man in the Iron Mask
  32. Atlas Shrugged
  33. Heart of Darkness
  34. The Sun Also Rises
  35. Moby Dick
  36. The Count of Monte Cristo
  37. Cat’s Cradle
  38. The Picture of Dorian Gray
  39. The Rum Diary
  40. The Pillars of the Earth
  41. Ender’s Game
  42. Persepolis
  43. Maus
  44. I Know Why The Caged Birds Sing
  45. The Three Musketeers
  46. A Lesson Before Dying
  47. The Scarlet Letter
  48. Little Women
  49. Dracula
  50. The Bell Jar

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