Monthly Archives: May 2014

Book Review: Lint (Acme Novelty Library #20)

lint comic book

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Tiitle: Lint (Acme Novelty Library #20)

Author: Chris Ware

Publisher: Drawn and Quarterly; Ltd Col edition

Genre: Graphic Novels/Comic Books

Hardcover: 72 pages

I came across this book while working in the library and was fascinated by it.

I decided to check it out and I have read it over 4 times since I have checked it out. I still don’t know what to think about it entirely.

When I finished this book I was really down and depressed. If you are going to be reading this I suggest that you read this when you are at a very high point, because if you read this while depressed it will just make you feel worse.

One of the things that encouraged me to start reading/looking over this book was the fact that it focused on a boy going through his whole life in 72 pages. From him being a baby seeing the world through very simplistic eyes, to the end of his life and the images becoming a little more surreal.

Jordan Wellington Lint grew up with a father that was abusive to his mother. He was a bully, a man that lusted after other women, he is a jerk, is an adulterer, he is nasty to his family and friends, and we learn even a more terrible truth near the end of the story. I honestly couldn’t stand him and he reminds me of some of the guys I met in high school. Especially the bullies.

I love how we see his memory and his perception only. We don’t see a lot of early childhood memories before his mothers death. Nor do we see his relationship with his children before he cheats on his first wife. At on point I still can’t figure out if he committed statutory rape on a young teen girl or if it was just a dream he was having.

Although I feel bad for his really early childhood, I could only pity him. I can’t sympathize with the main character because he is annoying, selfish,etc. I felt bad for him, but only because he messed up his life so much because of his actions. He would have to remind me of the our stereotypical image of the male. He has so many opportunities and he wastes them. I was honestly annoyed by this man and hoping he would turn himself around anytime now.

There were two things that surprised me:

  1. Reference to 9/11 I was not expecting that.
  2. The twist at the ending. We learn about his relationship with one of his sons.

I would have to rate this book 4 stars. 4 stars

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Why I Fear Failure

I can tell you that with realizing I am afraid of failure I have had to analyze why I am afraid of failure.

success is continuous

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It is all the consequences I fear as a result of failure. Although I know this and I am starting to understand it

  1. I don’t want others to look at me and think of me as incompetent.  Whether it is in work, classes, or just living in general I am terrified of looking incompetent.
  2.  I don’t like feeling incompetent either. I remember the rimes I felt incompetent and it wasn’t fun. I don’t like feeling incompetent and that happens every time I don’t accomplish my goals.
  3. I don’t want to let others down. I don’t want to let my family or friends down. I have a brother to take care of (he has autism), parents with health issues,etc. I can’t mess up. That has always been my mentality. I am the eldest daughter, I am the most capable, and I have the ability to take care of my family in the future. When it comes to my friends I don’t want them to think I am stupid or incapable. I don’t want them to think less of me. I remember times when I have told my parents I haven’t done well in class and saw the look of disappointment on their faces and could feel the disappointment radiating off of them, I felt terrible.
  4. I don’t want to mess up my chances of accomplishing my dreams. I have lots of dreams. I want to be a published author, I want to have my own business one day, I want to work in libraries. I want to learn how make clothes, jewelry, cook,etc. I want to do a lot and accomplish a lot. The more times I mess up and fail, the less the opportunities there are for me, and the more time it takes for me to accomplish my dreams and goals.
  5. I feel like a terrible person if I haven’t accomplished my goals. Whether I have failed a class or missed out on a great opportunity I feel a great weight on me as a result. I feel really stupid for not doing my best.
  6. It makes me wonder how smart I am. How capable I am. I already have some issues with my self-esteem. Everytime I don’t succeed I feel like it is a personal failure. Yes, I know that it is illogical, but trying telling my emotional self that. The emotional side doesn’t always listen.
  7. If I do something it has to be perfect. I can be something of a perfectionist. I am a perfectionist. I guess I get it from my grand mom. It doesn’t help that my mother (whom I love) is amazing and tends to do things exceptionally. It’s not that I felt pressured by her to be exactly like her, I guess I put that pressure on myself.
  8. I have high expectations for myself. I guess this goes hand in hand with being a perfectionist. I believe that I can always be doing better, that I can be a better person. Unfortunalty I am usually not satisfied with my successes or accomplishments. I don’t take the time to congratulate myself.
  9. Obsessive comparison disorder. Look up here to get an idea as to what it is. As a result of Facebook, twitter, instagram, and society we have this view and timeline as to when we need to accomplish our dreams. Graduate college at 21. After go to grad school or get a great career soon. Than meet someone get married, have kids, get a promotion in you current field, etc. Before you do all that you should travel, live on your own,etc. There are so many expectations as to what one should do with their life and so often I compare my life to others.

How do I overcome this fear?

Well it will take time. Lots of time. At least I know now why I have this issue.

Do you have a fear of failure? Why do you fear failure? Let me know in the comments below!

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I Am Sick of College

Normally by your 4th and last year in college you are over it. Senioritis has hit and you just don’t care anymore. You are over papers, done with exams, and ready to live your life.

Well, I want you to imagine being in college for 6 straight years. 6 years.

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It’s not like I have been lazy, life has happened. My physical health (which you can read about here) and my mental health ( which you can read about here) have been huge factors as to why it has taken me so long to finish college.

It is also the reason why I am soooooooo sick of it.

I am tired of having to take classes. I am tired of having to write papers on topics that I have no passion to write. I am tired of having to wake up, go to class, do homework, and only be rewarded with a letter grade. I am tired of reading. I am simply sick and tired of college.

What makes it worse is that I have 2 years of undergrad to go. For some reason I thought it would be a great idea to double major, since I am already in the double major hole, the only option I have is to climb my way out to it.

To make things more difficult I have to go to grad school.

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That in itself will last 2-3 years and while I am excited about the thought of being in Grad school, the thought of being in school for 4-5 more years makes me cry inside.

I have seriously though about taking a semester up to a year off of college. I have actually thought about just working full-time for that year. However there is a lot of things that have stopped me from quitting college.

  1. All the Debt! I believe it is after 6 months of not being in college I have to start paying back my debt. While I know it is important and I’m not trying to runaway from that responsibility….having a minimum wage job even at full-time can only help so much.
  2. Once I leave, I am not going back. If you have been in college as long as I have, you never want to go back. You get tired of all the college drama, writing papers, studying for exams, etc. Not to mention running into people who are 4 years younger than you, all excited about college.
  3. 90% of me actually wants to get my degree. I have been in college this long, might as well.
  4. Having a degree is needed to get a job, especially in the library field. In general it is extremely hard to get a job/career today even with a college degree (another reason why I feel so down), so imagine those that don’t have a degree. I imagine that all the time and that helps me stay in school
  5. I’m gonna have to take care of my family when they can no longer take care of themselves. This is related to the previous one. My parents both have health issues and my brother has autism.

I just want to live my life. I want to write already! I want to have a career! I don’t like living in my parents house (even though I love my parents, I want to live on my own)! I want to have my own place. I want to have my own car. I want to have a job/career to start working on. I know success doesn’t happen overnight, but this is getting ridiculous.

Thankfully last year I graduated from Pellissippi State with an Associates so I can say I do have a degree of sorts, but not one that can actually help me. An Associates, usually, isn’t that helpful.

So, when people complain to me of how sick of college they are I will try to be understanding, but unless you have been in college just as long as me or longer this girl right here isn’t going to be as sympathetic.

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By Airnix on deviant art. Click the link below to go to their page!

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I just want to be done with college. I don’t want to be in college anymore, but I have to to get the job I want.

What was (is) your college experience like? Let me know in the comments below!

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Music Video Review: Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse”

Grill is not attractive.

Grill is not attractive.

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I remember hearing this song first at the grammy’s and I liked it despite the fact that I thought some of the dancing was really lame. While on youtube I decided to browse around to find the music video. When I first saw it I thought it was a bad spoof of it and or a collection of katy perry music videos into one.

I honestly thought that. It probably would have been better.

When first watching this video, my reaction was this

 

I was genuinely confused. I did look into the background of the music video thanks to wikipedia, but honestly it just comes off as a jumble of hot mess.

My thoughts throughout the video:

  • Why is it set in Egypt when Aphrodite is mentioned in the song?
  • I can ignore the obvious Green Screen behind her in the beginning when she is on the “Nile”
  • I like the pop and lock moves the dancers are doing, fits well.
  • Shiny diamond grill bling in Egypt?
  • Why is there a pimp my chariot thing going on here?
  • The Color scheme is so outrageous for this time period, but so is everything else in this video. And I actually like it.
  • The Rap doesn’t fit the song. It doesn’t
  • I’m glad the dog didn’t get hurt.
  • Product Placement of Shoes?
  • Fast change there and hair color too.
  • I like how she says Dark Horse and yet she spreads her wings (becoming Horus) because that makes total sense!
  • Alien Pyramid??

What could have been done for this music video:

  • Have it be Cleopatra and Ceasar /or Marc Anthony in Egypt theme. If it had been this it could have been real interesting instead of just having Cleopatra (which was the inspiration apparently, but I didn’t see it). Although they were Roman, they did have Venus (the Roman copycat version of Aphrodite). Also Cleopatra was powerful and not to be messed with.
  • Have it set if Greece. Maybe like a grecian temple, she could be a high priestess, the daughter of a senator, a prophetess, etc. Aphrodite is mentioned, there was witchcraft in Greece.
  • Salem Witch Trails. Even though I didn’t like her performance I loved the theme there. I thought it could have translated well to the music video.
  • Combine it all together! Think about it, have it rotate between 3 different time periods, Anceint Greece, Ancient Egpyt with the two lovebirds, and finally the Salem Witch Trails. Magic and dominant, powerful women would be the theme, it would show witchcraft and magic throughout history, and it would be really cool too.

What were your thoughts on this music video? Let me know in the comments below!

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Book Review: The Romance of Tristan

romance of trsitna

 

Title: The Romance of Tristan

Author: Beroul

Publisher: Penguin Classics (July 1978)

Genre: Fiction (Literature)

Paperback:176 Pages

I had to read this book for my Medieval Literature class (which on a random note I saw my medieval literature professor at my church the other day- weird) . It is a love story that was very popular throughout all of Europe and had been translated into numerous languages.

I am not a fan of medieval literature, but I honestly suggest you read this.

It is hilarious.

The writing, at least in this edition, is very easy to read and follow.

It is also ridiculous. There is a magical dwarf, the king is an idiot, the girl is witty, and there is a dog that appears that you never see or hear from again.

When I read it, this is the conclusion I came to

I found it comical and it reminded me of humerous version of Romeo and Juliet. Even though both stories invoke a sense of sadness, I had a difficult time taking this story or the characters seriously. With the asininity of the characters, particularly Tristan and Yseult, this story is a little erratic.

I guess the main reason why I have problems with Tristan and Yseult is because after 3 years, the time the potion is supposed to wear off, they still act in the same manner towards each other as to when the potion was in full effect. It  is true that when the potion begins to wear off they both began to have a sense of regret. At the same time though they still view each other with love, “Let us both pray that the King of Heaven will have mercy on us, Tristan, my love.” I thought the love potion had worn off by this point. They keep telling everyone that it isnot their fault, but the love potions fault. And yet no sooner does Yseult vindicate herself, Tristan runs back to meet her in secret to talk with her, and be with her. The reason for this is because he has missed her greatly. They can’t blame the love potion at this point for it has worn off. I find it fascinating that even the author to an extent is trying to lay all the blame on the love potion near the end of the book. In the end Tristan and Yseult both die from despair and grief because of the other. Where they were buried two trees grew from their graves, one from Tristan and one from Yseult and intertwined. The author claims that “some say” it was the love potion that caused this to happen. That makes no sense since the love potion should have worn off by now, in fact it already had worn off. It seems to me that the love potion was merely an excuse, a scapegoat they could use.

In my opinion the love potion only emphasized what was already there, for they still loved and wanted each other after the love potion worn off. To me this makes both of them responsible for their actions. They know right from wrong. If they knew it wasn’t wrong, they would not have had to hide their love from the king, constantly lie or use equivocation. They wouldn’t have to go into hiding, and it certainly wouldn’t account for Yseult having her serving maid take her place the night she was supposed to consummate the marriage with King Mark. Even though I hold both of them equally responsible for their actions and only see the love potion as an excuse, if I had to give my sympathies to one of them it would have to be Yseult.

The reason why I would give my sympathies to her and not Tristan is because she is a woman, married to a king, far away from her family and friends, and she has nowhere to go. In that time period being a woman was already a disadvantage, for they don’t had limited rights. She is married to a king, which that itself holds a great deal of responsibility. Her nearest family and friends are far away in a different country and can’t get to her quickly if she gets in trouble. Finally it is not probable that she would be able to leave on her own, for she does not have the means to leave the country. While Tristan is far better off than Yseult. He is not married, he could be with whoever he wants and not be criticized. Even if he was married, he would have an easier time having an affair in comparison. If he needed to, he could leave the country and he has the means to do that. Between the two, the consequences are far worse for her than him.

For me this I think the love potion was merely an excuse that was used so that way Tristan and Yseult could have an affair without people really shaming them. Even though they story was comical and the characters were foolish, I still enjoyed it.

I would give this book 5 stars as a humorous book and 1 star as a piece of great literature. Overall I would give this book… 1.5 stars

1.5 star

Have you read this book? What did you think of it? Let me know in the comments below.

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Where Are you Motivation?

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With being on medication for depression and anxiety, I have learned something about myself.

I don’t know how to motivate myself.

How did I motivate myself in the past pre-medication? Well a lot of self-deprecation which included a part of myself telling me that I am a failure constantly and that I wasn’t good enough.  Again I have lived with this self deprecating voice (my own voice) in my head for 12 years, as long as I had depression and anxiety.

Since I have been on medication though the self deprecating voice isn’t really there. Since I have been on medication I haven’t been able to motivate myself.

I have looked up information on the internet, I have asked for advice, and I can read everything out there. However, I don’t know how to motivate myself.

What do I need motivation for? College. I need motivation for college.  Why have I lost motivation? I will post about that soon.

What is your motivation for getting through college?

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Book Review: The Fault in Our Stars

 My Spoiler Policy

the fault in our stars

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Title: The Fault in Our Stars

Author: John Green

Publisher: Central Avenue Publishing [2014]

Genre: Young Adult Fiction

Paperback:  204 pages

I wanted to read this book before I saw the movie in theatres. I was really excited to see copies left at Barnes and Nobles. I decided to get the The Fault in Our Stars Exclusive Collectors Edition.

I have heard about this book from friends, tumblr, etc. and once I saw it was going to be made into a movie. I knew I had to read it.

When I bought this book, I expected to cry, I expected to throw it against the wall in rage over the death of a character. I expected a feels fest. I expected it to be better than it was.

How I expected to react.

I was disappointed.

He is not a bad writer. It was good, I just thought the book itself was okay.

To help express how I felt through the whole book (up until the very end). Even at the end of the book. Even at the end of the book I just felt sad.

waiting

How I felt the whole time reading it, till the end.

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Waiting, and waiting, and waiting for something to happen.

Warning- I was not a fan of the characters of the book, so if you love this book, just leave now.  Seriously, you won’t like this review.

I was annoyed with both characters, I had a hard time sympathizing with the characters. I did sympathize and empathize with them and their situation (cancer), I just had a hard time doing it. Only when they began showing real human emotion, stopped using esoteric word (which I do understand, I just find it annoying when people are trying to come off as smart and intelligent- all look at me), and stopped their highbrow personalities. An example I can think of right away is the while cigarette thing. While a great message, also really stupid in general.

I can tell John Green’s voice is in his characters (having watched and enjoyed his youtube videos) and I really wish that didn’t happen. I wish he could have stepped outside of himself and write the characters in their voices.

The “Okay? Okay.” phrase left me underwhelmed (“Real or not Real?” from The Hunger Games had more passion behind it). I was sad when Augustus died. I felt bad for Hazel. I felt bad in general. I felt really bad for all the parents involved.

Hazel granted had more personality than Bella Swan from Twilight, but to be honest it’s not that hard. It honestly feels like this character is a character in which the reader can drop themselves in and “play the role” of the main character, fall in love with the cute guy, etc. Hazel falls in love just as fast with Augustus as Bella does with Edward!

And no one has given her grief?

I wanted her to go off on little adventures, I wanted her to try to live life to the fullest, I wanted her to write books, I wanted her to come up with the ending to that book she loved.  I wanted her to go on a journey of self-discovery. Instead she meets a guy and falls in love, and the only reason why her dreams can come true it because of a guy.

With Hazel having read a book where a girl dies and it is portrayed halfway I was hoping that her story would have ended like that ( I really thought it would, perfect symmetry), which tells us that she has died. But to change it up maybe Augustus appears and ends the story for Hazel. He could mention how he was working on writing the ending to story she loved so much so that it would have a good ending for her. We learn about her family, the funeral, and what she taught him (which to be honest all they seem to do is play video games, make-out, and flirt) I wanted him to tell me their last words were, “Okay? Okay.”

If not any of that, I wanted the book to end with the phrase, “Okay? Okay.”

There wasn’t that much depth in the book. Yes, it is about cancer, a very deep subject, but it didn’t feel deeply written nor portrayed. I was going into this book really excited and wanting to like it only to be disappointed.  It was a story about cancer and love, and it lacked depth in both development. I only recall one time (when Hazel passed out) where I felt the tension and fear that she meant when she said she was a “grenade.”

It was an easy read and it did flow really well. After reading this though I am really not sure whether or not I want to see the movie. I am even more hesitant to read more John Green books after reading this one.

There were a lot of great lines, quotes, etc. that I can take from this book, but I didn’t feel he characters give those lines emotion. It felt stale.

Lexa on Goodreads in reference to this book said it very well,

Phase 1: Annoyed.
Phase 2: Slightly less annoyed.
Phase 3: Not bad/meh.
Phase 4: Kinda good actually.
Phase 5: You just had to ruin it all with that metaphor, didn’t you?”

I have to give this book 2.5 stars2.5 star

What did you think of the book? Which John Green book should I read next? Let me know in the comments below!

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