I can tell you that with realizing I am afraid of failure I have had to analyze why I am afraid of failure.
It is all the consequences I fear as a result of failure. Although I know this and I am starting to understand it
- I don’t want others to look at me and think of me as incompetent. Whether it is in work, classes, or just living in general I am terrified of looking incompetent.
- I don’t like feeling incompetent either. I remember the rimes I felt incompetent and it wasn’t fun. I don’t like feeling incompetent and that happens every time I don’t accomplish my goals.
- I don’t want to let others down. I don’t want to let my family or friends down. I have a brother to take care of (he has autism), parents with health issues,etc. I can’t mess up. That has always been my mentality. I am the eldest daughter, I am the most capable, and I have the ability to take care of my family in the future. When it comes to my friends I don’t want them to think I am stupid or incapable. I don’t want them to think less of me. I remember times when I have told my parents I haven’t done well in class and saw the look of disappointment on their faces and could feel the disappointment radiating off of them, I felt terrible.
- I don’t want to mess up my chances of accomplishing my dreams. I have lots of dreams. I want to be a published author, I want to have my own business one day, I want to work in libraries. I want to learn how make clothes, jewelry, cook,etc. I want to do a lot and accomplish a lot. The more times I mess up and fail, the less the opportunities there are for me, and the more time it takes for me to accomplish my dreams and goals.
- I feel like a terrible person if I haven’t accomplished my goals. Whether I have failed a class or missed out on a great opportunity I feel a great weight on me as a result. I feel really stupid for not doing my best.
- It makes me wonder how smart I am. How capable I am. I already have some issues with my self-esteem. Everytime I don’t succeed I feel like it is a personal failure. Yes, I know that it is illogical, but trying telling my emotional self that. The emotional side doesn’t always listen.
- If I do something it has to be perfect. I can be something of a perfectionist. I am a perfectionist. I guess I get it from my grand mom. It doesn’t help that my mother (whom I love) is amazing and tends to do things exceptionally. It’s not that I felt pressured by her to be exactly like her, I guess I put that pressure on myself.
- I have high expectations for myself. I guess this goes hand in hand with being a perfectionist. I believe that I can always be doing better, that I can be a better person. Unfortunalty I am usually not satisfied with my successes or accomplishments. I don’t take the time to congratulate myself.
- Obsessive comparison disorder. Look up here to get an idea as to what it is. As a result of Facebook, twitter, instagram, and society we have this view and timeline as to when we need to accomplish our dreams. Graduate college at 21. After go to grad school or get a great career soon. Than meet someone get married, have kids, get a promotion in you current field, etc. Before you do all that you should travel, live on your own,etc. There are so many expectations as to what one should do with their life and so often I compare my life to others.
How do I overcome this fear?
Well it will take time. Lots of time. At least I know now why I have this issue.
Do you have a fear of failure? Why do you fear failure? Let me know in the comments below!