A Confession: I Live with Depression & Anxiety

afmc-depression

I don’t think this picture describes depression accurately.

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If you haven’t caught on by now from reading this post, this post, this post, this post, and this post.  This shouldn’t really come as a shock to anyone on this post.

I live with Chronic Depression and Anxiety. I have lived with with for over 12 years, without medication.

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I want you to try to understand living with depression and anxiety for 12 years straight. Only occasionally going to therapy. Before now I have had only 2 Doctors, one was Dr. Smartt and I liked her, but I stopped seeing her after a year. The other I only saw was for a month and I didn’t like her. She thought I hated women…

da fuq

 

As a result. I stopped going for about a year. In between my first Doctor and the last (failed) Doctor I saw therapists at school. Those free therapists that are trying to gain experience…yeah.  Many times I would either just talk to them and didn’t receive any help. If I was to be honest, that was all the time. After half a year or a full year they would leave. With that I would have to start my whole story all over again.

As you can imagine that got old fast, I became discouraged, and I began to think therapy was a waste of time.

This past December I finally decided that I should go to see a professional and try to go on medication. Something I have been extremely hesitant to do.

I can tell you right now that I do not regret this decision at all. It has been a great help to me.

I want you to imagine anxiety and depression on a scale of 0-10. With 0 being nonexistent and 10 being unlivable. Before medication my constant anxiety was typically at a 12/13. My Depression would be at a 16.

I honestly don’t know how I functioned for the past 12 years. I really don’t know.

I can tell you that now my anxiety is at a 8 currently, for all of you that may be high, for me that is an improvement. My Depression is at a 5, now that is awesome.

Being on medication hasn’t been a cure, it won’t cure your depression and anxiety. I still go to therapy. It helps me somewhat recognize what it is like to not have anxiety and depression.

I still live with anxiety and depression, but I can tell you now it is a little more manageable. For one thing I actually have somewhat of an idea of how a person without chronic depression and anxiety lives. Which is nice to say the least.

Do you live with anxiety? Depression? What are your thoughts on this post? Let me know in the comments below!

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3 thoughts on “A Confession: I Live with Depression & Anxiety

  1. pavanneh

    That has been one of the hardest things about taking medication is the fact that it won’t “fix” me. There were times when I was angry that it seems like no matter what I do it doesn’t stop, it doesn’t go away. It was bad enough to have to admit that I needed medication, that I was too broken to fix myself. But, the medication has helped. Some really well for a time, some not so much. What I am on now works the best of anything that I have tried.

    It will take time and constant retraining and you will get tired. But, it will be worth the effort. Self-talk, telling yourself you are worth it and valuable, writing your blogs and in journals will help too. Just remember to change the negative thoughts to positive, even when you don’t think you can. Just hold on to one good thought and run with it.

    Reply
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