Quick story for you guys, for as soon as I thought of this as the title of my blog post I had to tell you this story.
A few years ago while hanging out with a few friends, I saw that my friend had a black and red wig. I fell in love with it and tried it on. As soon as I tried it on I felt like Cher. No idea why, yes it doesn’t make sense. I guess because I had crazy and fabulous hair I felt awesome. For some strange reason (I don’t know why) I began singing “If I Could Turn Back Time.” After I got my wig on, I went down the stairs and started singing this song in front of everyone. Yes, I was sober and I still remember this greatly. My boyfriend thought it was great and hilarious.
Okay on to what I was originally inspired to write…
If I had the ability to turn back time. I would probably want to change one or two things, but even than I probably wouldn’t. For me if I was going to go back in time, the focus wouldn’t be to change the things I have done. I would go back to times in my life I can’t remember as well so I can see what happened.
It is common fact that our memories are not 100% accurate. To be honest on average we most likely only get maybe only 20%. Numbers are still debated among the scientific community. Honestly, for me my memory is sketchy, I feel like a lot is missing. Thank God my mom took so many pictures.
When I hit 12 years old I underwent a lot of personal changes, part of it was that I began to become really depressed and anxious all the time. On top of the many bad experiences that occurred and I did the only thing I knew to forget all the sadness, I blocked all the memories that remind me of sadness and pain. People may think this is silly, but if some memories are really painful for you, you can make yourself forget them. However it is harder to re-remember them after you have forgotten them.
When people try to ask me about memories that occurred before I was 12 years old, half of the time I don’t remember them unless there are pictures to help jog my memory. It is just the truth sadly. I tend to still remember the really bad stuff that happened. Wish I didn’t, wish it was the reverse.
Another incident that has cause me to have put a damper on memory was that I was exposed to black mold for a period of 4-5 months without my knowledge and as a result my memory was further affected. What is really bad about this is the fact that while this was going on I was dating my current boyfriend Christopher and there are certain things I still can’t remember from that time I am sad to say.
As a result of living with depression and dealing with the after effects of black mold my memory when it comes to my life isn’t that always that great. I still have a hard time remembering things. The issue with my memory was one of the reasons why I started this blog was to be able to record my experiences and keep track of them.
For me I wouldn’t go back and change the experiences I have had and can remember. Rather I would wish to go back and see what I went through. People may see that as a terrible idea, for I know many wish to forget what they have been through. It is a strange feeling though to know that there are memories there that I can’t remember and I wish I could remember.
How is your memory? Is there anything you wish you could remember? Anything you wish you could forget? Let me know in the comments below!
Inspired by The Daily Post