A few weeks back I read a blog post that I partially agreed with and partially didn’t. All of you have probably heard of it by now. 23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You ‘re 23.
I was writing another blog post in regards to “23 Things” and it became so long I knew I was going to have to narrow it down and not include this list.
We have all come across this person at least once in our life. This person feels like they need someone in their life to feel complete. They constantly are looking for a guy (or girl) to be in a relationship with or they are constantly in a relationships, always talking about how this person makes them feel so special/important/loved. They are always talking about boys/girls needing someone in their life. They tend to date the same time of people over and over again. There is also the possibility that they are in unhealthy relationships and they don’t know it. They promise not to make the same mistake again or vow to not date and a few months later once again, they found, “The One.”
If you don’t know anyone like this, if you don’t even have an acquaintance that fits this description, you may want to take a good look in the mirror. You could be the one that is constantly needing a relationship. You may be the one that jumps from person to person (I’m not even talking sexually, I’m talking about “committed” relationships). You may need to evaluate your way of thinking.
Are you unsure if you should get into a relationship? Here are 10 Signs
- You haven’t dealt with your issues yet and you don’t want to. All the issues that we develop over the years will never truly go away, they only become easier to deal with, to understand, and recognize. If you haven’t dealt with them, you aren’t ready. If you are going to bury your head in the sand like an ostrich when it comes to dealing and recognizing you have issues you aren’t ready for a relationship.
- You are willing to change everything about yourself for the other person. There is nothing wrong with bettering oneself, in fact I highly encourage you to try to become a better person. But, if you are willing to change everything you are for the sake of the other person, that is an issue. You like comic books, your guy thinks comic books are only for guys, nerds ,etc. Although that is a minor example, the same example can be applied to religion, politics, social issues, etc.Do you also finding yourself tending to change your personality depending on the guy/girl you are with? You tend to be more into sports when he is around because he is into sports? You like or don’t video games because she/he does/doesn’t? One minute you are preppy and the next minute you are goth because your guy/girl just happens to be like that? Yes, that is a problem. There is a difference between finding out who you are and switching between different personalities and personas of yourself.
- You are constantly looking for Love or “The One.” Are you constantly calling/texting/chatting with your friends about how much you want to be with someone? Are you constantly on dating websites, hookup websites, etc just in case you might meet that someone special. Are you constantly going out to places and scoping out the scenes in order to find true love? If the thought of finding someone special is taking up more than 90% of your time that is an issue.I understand that if you do want to meet someone that you have to put yourself out there, but don’t forget your own interests! Read, write, shoot some hoops. Do something! If your only interest is finding a guy/girl or if that is the only interest of yours that you pursue, you need to check yourself.
- Someone Save Me from (insert problem, issue, etc)! No one will be able to make you life perfect, magical, or easy. The other person is human too! You expect another human being with their own flaws, issues, and obstacles to handle your own as well. Not only is that delusional, it is pretty selfish. You need to learn to fight your own battles, overcome your own problems, and work at your life.It’s not bad to have someone to help you get through it. To have someone to talk to, but they shouldn’t be a crutch, they should just be your shoulder to cry on for a few moments. Someone to listen to your problems, they shouldn’t be there to solve every single problem and help you make decisions whether they are minor or major.
- You want to Save him. You see that he has real potential. I hate to break it to you, if he wants to change for the better, he will do it with or without your help. Yes, a man can meet a girl and that can inspire him to be a better, but that is the thing, he has to be inspired, he has to want to become a better person.Also most of the time, a lot of people aren’t ready, willing, or wanting to change. Forcing someone or trying to get someone to change is not only pointless but can cause resentment on both sides. Would you rather have a project for a boyfriend, fiance,or husband or someone who is mature and can treat you with respect?
- You have trust Issues. Whether it is because you were abandoned by your dad, neglected by your mom, or you have had terrible exes, you don’t trust anyone. You think it is okay to check that persons email, read their facebook message with their friends without them knowing, checking their texts, or monitoring who they call and hang out with. If you do any of these things, I don’t care what excuse you use, you are not ready and you need to get help.
- You are constantly dating people that are bad for you. Seriously if every choice (or every other choice) that you make tends to end badly. Friends, family don’t like him/her. They say, “S/He doesn’t respect you,” “That was really rude of him/her,” “S/He shouldn’t be treating you like that,” etc. Now if s/he lies to you about where s/he is going, has cheated on you, flirts constantly with other people, says he/she can get anyone they want to your face, calls you an idiot or stupid, throws engagement rings in the trash, etc. Those are inexcusable behaviors. Also, if you do tend to date people that are like this and think this is normal, you really should go see someone for help. I’m not saying you are crazy, but these behaviors and these relationships are really unhealthy. It becomes an addiction, you can’t break the cycle and you need help.
- You feel Like you need a Relationship (or just someone) to be Happy. No, this is definitely the wrong mentality to have. Only you can make yourself happy and find ways to make yourself happy. You need to work at it.Find something that makes you happy. Do something that makes you happy that doesn’t involve getting into a romantic, sexual, or whatever kind of relationship you seek so you can be happy.Now if you are battling depression or other mental illness, I can tell you from experience being a relationship won’t cure it or help it go away. The only way to get help is to go to therapy and or go on medication. There is nothing wrong with needing therapy or needing to go on medication for help. We all could use help.
- “I just want a relationship so bad!” Are you wanting a relationship because you are tired of being alone? All your friends are in relationships and you aren’t? Being desperate for someone isn’t a good thing either. In fact, you open yourself up to people that could be bad for you. Also just because your friends have realtionships does not mean they are good relationships. Also being desperate is not attractive for either gender.
- “I Just want to find “The One”, settle down, get married and have kids.” It is a nice thought and it’s not terrible to want to find that someone special to share the rest of your life. Still though, if that is your primary focus, you need to have a change in perspective. How are you going to take care of said family? What abut money? Heck what if the relationship ends badly and you need to leave? Do you have a way to support yourself? What about the kids in your life? It is always good to have a back up plan and have interests beyond your man.