A few weeks back I read a blog post that I partially agreed with and partially didn’t. All of you have probably heard of it by now. 23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You ‘re 23. Although I don’t agree with everything she said or her list of things to do, I did see some value in it.
While reading the article it reminded me on my thoughts on marriage and getting married young age. I live in the southeast, so a lot of people are still getting married at a young age and it still surprises me how many people I have met in college whose whole purpose is to get their “Mrs.” or find a “good wife. ” Yes, my mother got married at 23 and my dad 24, but it was not planned, they didn’t actively seek to find “the one”, and they dated for a very long time, about 4-5 years. I am myself 23 years old, in a relationship, I’m not engaged, and I am okay with that.
While I am okay with that, I have known girls, friends and acquaintances that talk about the fact that they wish they could meet someone, how they need to have someone in their life to feel whole and complete. When I read “23 Things” I really wonder if those were the kind of people she was talking about. You know, the girls that are/were obsessed with boys in high school/college. They didn’t feel right, complete, important, special, etc. unless they had a boyfriend or a guy telling them they are wonderful, special, important, etc. They needed a guy to feel whole and complete as a human being.
The people that I knew that had issues when it comes to “always needing someone syndrome” tend to have family issues. Whether it was abuse, neglect, abandonment, or all of the above- their self confidence was usually pretty low and they needed someone. As a result, I noticed that girls would look for love like every day was a Black Friday Sale, and it can be a scary thing.
As someone who has been single, in a relationship short term and with being in a relationship long term I can tell you one thing, no guy, no one can ever make you ever feel complete. I feel like I have found my other half with my boyfriend, he complements me, he is my partner in life. However, even with realizing I have found my partner in crime, I still had a lots of issues, learning, and growing up to do. Even with finding him, there were (and are still) hurts, anxieties, and problems that need to be dealt with before we get married. He has his own as well.
I can’t tell you how many times I have come across friends and acquaintances that are getting married who I believe truly aren’t ready and emotionally mature for marriage. Especially when said individual has declared on numerous occasions that “I think he is the one” in regards to over 20 different boys (I don’t say men either for a reason) in a span of 2-3 years.
It saddens me because these people are beautiful, talented, and wonderful but because they don’t see it in themselves. Also you don’t to have a relationship to be complete and feel whole. Before you get into a relationships you should really evaluate yourself to see if you are ready. If you feel like you need someone to be complete, that is one of the signs you are not ready for a relationship. To read the list I have come up with, check it out here.
So while I didn’t agree with everything she said (seriously don’t be in with two guys at once without the other knowing it’s an open relationship, that is just stupid), I will agree with the fact that we should appreciate the fact that when we are single and take advantage of everything life has to offer.