suicide | My Renaissance

You don’t know me. You don’t know a lot of the lives you have touched. Right now a lot of people are mourning your loss.

I’m having a hard time with this letter. I know I wanted to write to you, heck I feel a little silly writing to you because you will never read it. I still feel that I should anyway.

I knew you suffered from depression, most of the really great comedians tend to suffer from it. That is why they are so good at coming up with jokes. That is why they have a great sense of humor. Comedians with depression tend to see the darkest in life and try to put the brightest smile on for others and try to helps others not feel like crap.

I should know, I live with depression as well. However, I am not gifted comedian such as yourself. I can only appreciate the humor and the truth in that humor.

I didn’t know about your addiction though nor the fact that you recently had heart surgery. My father has a heart diseas and I remember him going through depression soon after so I can sympathize and empathize with that. Although I’m glad you were able to undergo the surgery, I’m sorry the need was there. And I’m really sorry that you suffer with addiction as well. I know that must not have helped when it came to your depression.

I have heard of a lot of celebrities dying over the years. Your death though seems to have really hit a nerve, not only with me, but with everyone it seems. The movies and TV Shows that you were on were trending on Twitter. It threw me off when I first saw it because I didn’t know you had passed away and led me to discover that you had.

They say you died as a result of suicide. I hope they are wrong, but the probability is high. I hope they are wrong simply because I don’t want to believe it and it hurts me to think that the world has lost a talented man such as you.

I’m sorry for the amount of pain you were in that led to that decision. I’m sorry you weren’t able to get the help that you needed to be able to overcome the depression (and I use that loosely, for you never really seem to overcome depression). I’m sorry that to this day people still treat depression as taboo and look at it like you have the plague when you talk about it. I’m sorry you constantly struggled with your addiction brought on by depression and stress.

I’m sorry you felt alone, felt like a failure, and felt unworthy.

I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you laugh.

I wish you could have realized that you we thought you were wonderful and we didn’t consider you a failure. I wish we were able to tell you that we thought you were worthy and wonderful.

I wish you had failed at your suicide.

I grew up watching you. A lot of people did. I think this is the first celebrity death where I have actually cried. The other ones shocked me, but this rattles me. This strikes me to my core.

I hope you finally are at peace and feel content. Living with depression I know for a fact that the idea of being at peace and content is a blessing; a far away concept. I hope you are finally free of the pain.

Although I never knew you personally, I will miss you. I want to say more. I feel like I should, but I can’t find the words to say.

I will try to honor your memory. I will try to Seize the Day. I will live life free. I will try to think Happy Thoughts.

Thank you for making so many people laugh. I only wish we could have helped you laugh as well.

R.I.P Robin Williams.

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